How to Talk about You Know What

How to Talk about You Know What

The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:3 ESV)

This post is a little different than the others. Our blog is exclusively about what the Bible says about married sex. But as we’re talking more and more about our blog to people we realize that couples simply aren’t talking about sex in their marriage – at all! This is alarming to us so we thought we would suggests a few questions to get the conversation started. Chances are that if you’re not talking about sex, you’re not doing it very often either.

There are many reasons why married couples don’t talk about sex very often.

We imagine for the wife it’s an uncomfortable topic of conversation because they either know, or suspect, their husbands want more sex than they’re getting. They’d rather not take the blame for the infrequency – again. This causes angst and guilt which leads to feeling badly about themselves or their husband or both.

Also, women, especially in our Christian culture, have been taught since childhood that sex is bad before marriage and the implication is that it’s not much better after marriage. In addition, past conversations with their husbands about sex never ended well and this adds to the reluctance to talk. But for whatever reason there seems to be a loud silence in many marriages.

The fact that the most intimate relationship there is in life, wife and husband, can’t talk about their most intimate time together is sad. Heartbreaking really.

We imagine for the husband, he knows that he’ll either come across as oversexed or worse, a predator, always demanding sex. For the Christian man, this also reveals how unspiritual he is being concerned about the things of the “flesh”. And we all know the flesh is evil; therefore, sex becomes a “necessary evil”. A necessary evil is never good.

It’s a shame that more wives and husbands don’t talk about sex. In a recent Pew survey, the number one reason to get married was “love” (88%). When Pew Research Center asked what makes a successful marriage, a close second to “shared interests” (64%), was a “satisfying sex life” (61%). This suggests that we get married for “love” and then after we’re married for a while we realize that a “satisfying sex life” is one of the major reasons we stay together.

As we said, there are many reasons including everything from past abuse to past promiscuity as reasons not to talk about sex. Sex is an uncomfortable topic and it can get emotional quickly. However, we believe that it’s worth the risk.

Below are five open-ended, non-threatening (mostly), questions that are based on 1 Corinthians 7:1-5. Our prayer is that these will be just the beginning of a on-going conversation about sex in your marriage. The more you talk about sex, the easier it will be to talk about sex.

Ask each other:

  1. Before we were married, what role did you think sex would play in our marriage?
  2. Now that we’re married, has your view changed?
  3. Is sexual temptation something you experience? How often? What form does it usually take? How can I help?
  4. What pops out at you from 1 Corinthians 7:1-5? Why?
  5. What does our sex life look like for you in the future? In the next year? In the next 5 years?

We encourage you to push past your fears and talk about, well, you know what, with your spouse, the one you married and promised to love and cherish.

Bible Thought: God is not afraid to talk about sex. In fact, he dedicates an entire book to it to highlight the importance of sex in marriage.

Prayer: Father, help me not to be embarrassed to talk about sex with my spouse. Help us to open and free to talk with each other about sex. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Just do it,

Rene & Gloria

Lasting Love Must be Taught

Lasting Love Must be Taught

All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. (2 Timothy 3:16 NLT)

Natural is Good for Food but Not for Marriage

You don’t have to teach your child ingratitude. It comes naturally. For the most part, children must be taught what is personally good and socially appropriate. It does not come naturally.

One of the things we don’t need to be taught is falling in love and, for that matter, falling out of love. Many of us fell in love and got married and then promptly fell out of love. Falling in and out of love is natural. Natural is good for food but not for marriage.

Staying in love, on the other hand, needs to be taught. It does not come naturally.

God’s Word Teaches

Fortunately, God understands that teaching is critical to a useful life and a fulfilling marriage. “All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true.”

Today the Bible is under attack as out of date, too hard to understand, and a religious idol – and this is by the church. Many, outside the church, simply discount the Bible as irrelevant.

Many years ago, as a new believer, I (Rene), attended a retreat center where the retreat leader quoted me the verse below after listening to me moan about my life.

Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge,
but whoever hates correction is stupid. (Proverbs 12:1 NIV)

He didn’t say anything else and got up and left the room. I was stunned. Did he just call me “stupid”? It took me a while to get passed my hurt feelings but I knew he was right. I was stupid but I didn’t want to stay stupid. The retreat leader’s rebuke had a profound impact on me. It taught me God’s Word has a way to get to the heart of a matter and that it is very practical. (See Hebrews 4:12)

One way to look at the Bible is as a book of advice – from God. God’s advice to me was to humble myself, be open to align my life with his Word and, most of all, stop moaning.

The Secret of Lasting Love

You don’t have to teach how to fall out of love in a marriage. It comes naturally. Resentment, bitterness, and isolation are the natural byproducts of a marriage between two sinners. God knows this and that’s why he has given us very specific instructions in the Bible to combat these natural tendencies.

First, he shows us our need for Jesus and the gospel of grace where we don’t rely on what we do but on what Christ has done for us. Secondly, he gives us the Holy Spirit to teach us his ways, and teachers in the Body to illuminate the Scriptures. And lastly, he gives us the will and the power to follow his teachings. (See Hebrews 10:14; Hebrews 8:10-12; Ephesians 4:11)

God addresses marriage and the secret of a lasting love in 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 as well as in many other passages in the Bible. In summary, 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 instructs us how we fall in love, and more importantly, how we stay in love.

Verse 2 says that we fall in love lustfully and verse 5 says that we stay in love intentionally.

The pivotal verse is the third, “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.” God’s teaching about what makes a long and satisfying marriage pivots on the conjugal rights and responsibilities of each spouse.

Yes, there’s more to marriage than sex but God tells us that sex is the barometer of a marriage. In other words, if we understand our conjugal rights and responsibilities in marriage then we are building a lasting love based on God’s Principles of Marriage. On the other hand …

Bible Thought: The Bible teaches us how to stay in love.

Prayer: Father, I need your help every day. Show me that your Word is true and trustworthy. Teach me your ways and lead me into your abundant life. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Just do it,

Rene & Gloria

Diluted Senses

38844163 - vector peerless decorative feather, tribal design, tattooLet him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!

For your love is better than wine;

your anointing oils are fragrant;

your name is oil poured out;

therefore virgins love you.

Draw me after you; let us run.

The king has brought me into his chambers. (Song of Solomon 1:2-4a ESV)

A Cabin in the Woods

As we write this, we are on vacation visiting family in northern Idaho. We’re at an AirBnB cabin in the country near a lake and an evergreen forest. The cabin has no Internet, cel reception, or cable. We have to drive 10 miles  to the local library for WiFi to catch up on our emails, texts, blog statistics, and the latest Yankees’ game.

It’s a big adjustment for these city folk!

We sit on the patio each morning. We taste the coffee, see the rabbits at play, feel the sunshine, hear the birds chirping, smell the the pine forest, and hold hands. All our senses are at work taking in all of God’s goodness to us. God intended our senses to experience the glory of his creation and to give thanks to him for his incredible gift of the five senses.

Our Five Senses

We have, to varying degrees, exchanged the richness of our God-given senses for the counterfeit in our postmodern, digital world. Of course, we can’t get away from our senses altogether but a large part of our experience is screen-centric including smartphones, flat screen TV’s, and streaming music services.

There is a movement to get back to an analog life but it’s like spitting in the ocean. The net result of our cool digital life is that we lose the ability to feel, truly feel, the way God designed us to use our five senses.

Our five senses are most alive in the act of love making, nothing is as rich or as satisfying to the senses. You may say a fine wine, an ocean sunset, a Mozart concerto are the most satisfying stimuli to our senses. God says making love to your spouse is the most satisfying stimuli to all your senses. Is there anything on this planet that engages all five senses, in the same way, at the same time, than the act of marital love? Not really. Sight, hearing, smell, touch, and taste come alive in sex unlike anything else.

Solomon and His Bride Got It

Our passage today isn’t even talking about the act yet, our lovers are still in the preparation phase and all the senses are already fully engaged. The handsome king (sight), the kisses of his mouth (touch), his fragrant oil (smell), speaking his name is like “oil poured out” (hearing), and a love that is better than wine (taste).

Our five senses are a gift from God. Why did he give us this marvelous gift? Because when we are fully immersed in one or more of the senses that is when we feel most alive. God wants us to feel alive to the fullest. Jesus calls this the “abundant life”. (See John 10:10)

When we get immersed in our various “screens” to satisfy only what our God-given senses can satisfy, we dilute the experience of life and feel less than truly alive. We exchange true life for a postmodern dullness. We ultimately dilute the senses to our harm. Pornography is the most diluting form of digital dullness.

Feel Truly Alive

God has given most of us a wonderful ability to truly feel alive through the natural use of our five senses. Drink fine wine, go to the ocean and see a wonderful sunset, hike in the mountains and hear the sounds of nature but there’s nothing that engages all the senses, at the same time, in the same way, like making love.

The irony that you’re probably reading this post on your smartphone has not escaped us. So put the phone down, step back and take a walk in the woods, or better yet, find your husband or wife and give them a big kiss!

Bible Thought: God has given most of us a wonderful ability to truly feel alive through our five senses.

Prayer: Father, help me to understand the wonderful gift of the five senses and give you thanks for these glorious gifts. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Just do it,

Rene & Gloria

Men and Women are Different

IMG_2510Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!

For your love is better than wine;

your anointing oils are fragrant;

your name is oil poured out;

therefore virgins love you.

Draw me after you; let us run.

The king has brought me into his chambers. (Song of Solomon 1:2-4a ESV)

A Difference

The world says that men and women are essentially the same and that women can do anything a man can do – only better. This may or may not be true but when it comes to sexual desire and perspective the Bible tells us that men and women are different.

Husband, this may come as news to you, but your wife does not think about sex the same way you do. And the more you try to get her to think about sex the way you do, well, let’s just say it won’t help. And wife, your husband does not think about sex the way you do either.

For example, in Proverbs we get a man’s perspective, “Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.” (Proverbs 5:19b previous post). This verse encourages sexual intoxication and desire in a husband. God has gifted men with an indiscriminately strong sex drive. Now hopefully social pressures, and for the Christian man, the Holy Spirit, mitigate their wild sexual desires or they may end up in another #MeToo story.

The Difference

These two verses, Proverbs 5:19b and Song of Songs 1:1-4, give us insight into the different perspective of sex and desire between men and women. Notice both find sex intoxicating but the man is drunk with desire while the woman is intoxicated with being desired, “For your love is better than wine”. She reinforces this idea of being intoxicated with being deeply desired:

“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth”

“Draw me after you, let us run”

“The king has brought me into his chambers”.

She is intoxicated with the intoxicating passion of her lover and his intense desire for her and her alone. This is not to say she doesn’t also feel a strong sexual feelings but she looks at the relationship from a different point of view.

They both love sexual intimacy but the man is overcome with desire while the woman is overcome with being desired. But the goal is the same. The path is different. God created man and woman, husband and wife, to complement one another – desire and being desired. There may be the occasional overlap and reversal in a marriage from time to time, but generally, men and women differ on sexual desire and perspective.

A Complicated Sexual Dance

Of course, we are looking at a young couple where the passion is rich and unreserved. One thing to keep in mind though is that as a marriage matures the sexual desires seems to merge; that is, the differences are less pronounced. We think particularly of Sarah who laughed at the prospect of sexual “pleasure” at her advanced age of 90 or so. (See Genesis 18:12)

Marriage is a complicated sexual dance and the longer a marriage goes on the greater chance of a misstep. We suspect one of the major problems in a lack of sexual desire is unforgiveness. Unforgiveness leads to resentment and bitterness and the death of desire or being desired. Sexual intimacy is complicated enough without adding unforgiveness. Beware of missteps. Forgive quickly.

The Ideal Marriage

However, our young bride is living the ideal marriage in our love poem. She delights in being desired and values her lover supremely. She can’t wait to consummate their relationship and delights in her husband’s passion for her. As her marriage progresses we would encourage her to beware of snares and obstacles along the way that could get in the way of sexual desire. But for now she is enraptured with passion and waiting for her lover’s kisses.

Bible Thought: Beware of snares and obstacles that could undermine desire and being desired. Forgive quickly.

Prayer: Father, help me to understand the view my spouse has of sexual intimacy. Help me to remove all obstacles that would hinder sexual intimacy in our marriage. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Just do it,

Rene & Gloria

Attitude is Everything

Attitude is Everything

The Song of Songs, which is Solomon’s.
She
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!
(Song of Solomon 1:1,2a ESV)

The first thing we notice in this love poem is the wife’s enthusiasm for her husband. She is on fire for his love! She can’t seem to contain her excitement for his perfect kisses, “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!”. Her attitude springs from sex-positive thoughts about her husband.

Attitude is Everything

William James, the 19th century American philosopher stated, “The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes.” Attitude is everything. As Christians, we can state with confidence that the closer our attitudes align with God’s attitudes the more joyful we will be in this life. In fact, our attitude largely determines what we get from this life. Let’s take on God’s attitude about everything especially marital intimacy.

If your attitude is sex-positive then you’re on your way to enjoying sexual intimacy, and if your spouse’s attitude is sex-positive, then you both can celebrate God’s gift of sex equally. However, if your attitude, or your spouse’s attitude, is otherwise then there’s a lot of work to do. But it’s worth the effort to align your attitude with God’s attitude toward marital sex.

3 Sex-Positive Attitudes

Three things stand out to us in this passage:

  1. She is the aggressor. This woman is no wilting flower waiting for her husband to make the first move. She knows her joy is in the arms of her husband and she is determined to make it happen – the sooner the better.
  2. She is enthusiastic. Our protagonist is so excited about his kisses she doesn’t seem to care what people might think as she declares before the world that her lover is a good kisser.
  3. She is thankful. She seems extremely thankful for her husband. She is confident that her husband wants to reciprocate her affection. She isn’t afraid of his rejection; in fact, it apparently never even enters her mind.

The Reality

This love poem, and poetry in general, uses figurative language to express emotion, truth, and beauty. The Song of Songs paints us a picture of an ideal biblical marriage. We will see later in the poem that everything is not bliss. Our lovers have a Big Misunderstanding in chapter 5 and have to overcome a common marital misconception about sex. Don’t worry, we will get to this reality of married life, but for now let’s enjoy the enthusiasm of our protagonist and smile that she loves to kiss.

Do you love to kiss? Change your attitude about kissing and see how kissing is better than you remembered. Go ahead, try it 🙂

Bible Thought: God’s Word celebrates sexual intimacy, including great kissing, in marriage.

Prayer: Father, help me to change my attitude toward kissing and align myself with God’s attitude toward sexual intimacy. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Just do it,

Rene & Gloria

How to Be Sex-Positive

How to Be Sex-Positive

The Song of Songs, which is Solomon’s.
She
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!
(Song of Solomon 1:1,2a ESV)

Song of Songs is Sex-Positive

The Song of Songs is a love poem extolling the joy of sexual intimacy in marriage. God wants us to consider it as a picture of an ideal marriage. It is no accident God included this curious book in his canon of Scripture.

We call it curious because many Christian don’t want to think about sex, let alone talk about it. God has other ideas and let’s us know by putting a book all about sexual intimacy in his Word. The reality is that Satan wants us to think about sex in his terms of depravity and vulgarity.

The culture of the Middle East at the time of the writing of the Song of Songs was sex-positive. God wants us to think about sex his way as the glorious center of a covenant marriage.

Sex Gets a Bad Rep

Sex started to get a bad reputation at the beginning of the church age. A few early church fathers went so far as to castrate themselves in the name of holiness. This was the beginning of a love-hate affair with sex in the Christian community.

Satan has taken advantage of fanatical Christian sexual ideology ever since. It’s not a coincidence that the number one most vulgar word in our culture is a description of the sex act. Satan, the god of this world, wants anything God holds in esteem to be denigrated. Sexual intimacy is no exception; in fact, the devil majors on polluting what God has declared as “very good”.

It’s also no coincidence that the second most used profanity in our culture is our Savior’s name. It’s almost as if Satan says, “Yes, one day every knee will bend to the name of Jesus, but in the meantime it will be a curse word.” The two most used profanities concern sexual intimacy and our Lord’s name. No surprises from the god of this world.

It should tell us something about Satan’s strategies to pollute our sexual intimacy in marriage and our spiritual intimacy in Christ.

Taking a Stand

So when we are, at best, ambiguous about sexual intimacy; and, at worse, repulsed by sexual intimacy then we are aligning ourselves with the devil’s doctrines of polluted sex. It’s only when we think correctly about married sex will we be able to do married sex as God intended.

The Song of Songs is sex-positive because God is sex-positive. It’s time we take back the territory that Satan has stolen from us for 2,000 years. Married sex is God’s idea and he thinks it’s a good one.

Bible Thought: God’s Word celebrates sex in a committed covenant marriage.

Prayer: Father, help me be sex-positive as God is sex-positive and stand against the cultural lies of the evil one. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Just do it,

Rene & Gloria

Marriage: God’s Boot Camp

38844163 - vector peerless decorative feather, tribal design, tattooMarriage: God’s Boot Camp

The Song of Songs, which is Solomon’s. (Song of Solomon 1:1 ESV)

Celebration of Sexual Love God Intended for Marriage

We’re going to tackle The Song of Solomon for a while since it celebrates sexual love between a husband and wife. It also is a picture of Christ and his church echoing Ephesians 5:31,32. These are not contradictory because God himself chooses to compare marital love with Christ’s love.

In our church culture, we often separate the physical and spiritual lifting the spiritual above the physical. God wants us to be comfortable with both the spiritual and physical realities of his creation and see them the way he sees them. To this end, he gives us The Song of Solomon as his picture of ideal married love.

If he wanted only a spiritual universe occupied by spiritual beings then he had that with the angels before Creation. But he wanted something physical, lavish, and sensual so he created the earth with Adam and Eve at the center, declaring them “one flesh” in marriage.

The Best of the Best

The author starts with the words, “Song of Songs” in verse 1. It’s like saying “the best of the best”. The writer is declaring that this song is the highest song of all songs, there is no higher or more important song in all the world. Of course, the songs, we know as The Psalms, are higher in the sense that they praise the living God who is above all and Almighty.

Our author is not contradicting God’s supreme position, he is simply saying that the sexual relationship God intended between a husband and wife is the highest, most glorious, relationship in all of God’s creation outside of our relationship with God himself.

Love One Another

Jesus says, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:35 NIV) Jesus tells us, on more than one occasion, that love is the goal of the Christian life. We can know the Bible, prophesy, perform signs and wonders, but only love counts in the end. Love is the Fruit of the Spirit and flows from a close personal relationship with Christ.

If we can’t love our spouse then how can we love anyone else? In fact, marriage is God’s boot camp for learning how to love another person. Let’s start with a sincere, gospel-centered, God-honoring love of our spouse and then we will know how to love others.

The Song of Solomon shows us exactly what a gospel-centered marriage looks like with mutual sexual submission at it’s core. We are excited about all the things The Song of Solomon will teach us. Love is good place to start.

Bible Thought: Marriage is God’s Boot Camp of love.

Prayer: Father, help me to learn how to love my spouse so I can be used by you to show love to the rest of the world. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Just do it,

Rene & Gloria

Life is Short

Butterfly

Life is Short

Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. (James 4:14 NIV)

Most people at the end of their life don’t say that they should have worked more, traveled less, or made love fewer times.

Life is short and God wants us to major on the major and minor the minor and not get distracted from what’s really important. We get messed up and our thinking gets skewed as we go merrily along in life. As we learned in our last post, Satan’s task is to get us off course and confuse us about what is really important.

The entire Bible is about getting our priorities straight when you really think about it. Every time we take up the Word the Holy Spirit is trying to break through our prejudices and preconceptions about life. He is trying to shock us into reality. He says, “Hey, wake up! The Word is true. Stop doing what your doing. Do life God’s way because he loves you and knows what’s best for you.”

“Wake up, sleeper,

rise from the dead,

and Christ will shine on you.” (Ephesians 5:14)

What does it mean to “Wake up, rise from the dead”? It means that we should see the world through the eyes of the Word and then respond appropriately. When we “wake up” to the instruction of the Holy Spirit then Christ will shine on us. It seems to us that’s a good thing.

In marriage, Christ’s light shining on us produces love and intimacy reflecting his love and intimacy for his people. It is to see our spouse as our most important relationship outside of Christ. It’s to work at our relationship with humility, forgiveness, and hope.

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery but I am talking about Christ and the church. (Ephesians 5:31,32)

When we get to the end to our life, we will not say we made love too many times with our spouse. Don’t let the locust eat up the years of your youth with unimportant stuff. It took us many years to discover God’s truth about intimacy in marriage.

The purpose of our book and blog is to help you discover this truth a lot sooner than we did. May Christ’s light shine on you and your marriage.

Bible Thought: Marriage is important to God because it is the essential building block of society and a truly biblical marriage reflects Christ’s intimacy with his people.

Prayer: Father, help me to live my life to the fullest according to your Word. Help me love and respect my spouse. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Just do it,

Rene & Gloria

Satan’s Wish List

Satan’s Wish List

Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Corinthians 7:5 ESV emphasis added)

Satan is Alive and Well Despite Rumors to the Contrary

Sometimes it seems no one believes in the devil anymore. He has become a cartoon character. Jesus talked a lot about Satan, so we’re going with Jesus on this one.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. (Matthew 6:13 NIV)

Satan Does Not Want You to Have Sex with Your Spouse

In marriage, the number one goal of Satan is to keep husbands and wives from having sex. We’re not saying this, Paul is saying this. God’s Word tells us clearly in our passage that Satan looks forward to you not having sex with your spouse. In fact, he loves it when you have infrequent and non-reciprocal sex because he knows you are then ripe for sexual sin.

Satan will do anything he can to keep you from having sex so that you will lose “self-control”. He loves it when you are out of control sexually. He looks for opportunities to strike when he senses your sexual and emotional needs are not being met. This can lead to physical or emotional affairs with someone other than your spouse.

Satan Will Distract You from Sex in Three Ways

  1. Circumstances – He will encourage a lifestyle that is so crammed with places to go and things to do that there’s just no time for sex.
  2. Distraction – He will tell you that everything is more important than sex. If you think sex is the next thing on the agenda then he will introduce an urgent need to distract you.
  3. Deception – He will try to convince you that frequent sex with your spouse is excessive sensuality and that you need to stuff it to show “real” self-control. He will also try to convince your spouse that sex with you is the last thing they want or need.

God’s Word, on the other hand, tells us that frequent and reciprocal sex is the way to counter Satan’s temptations. Paul reminds us that sex is one of Satan’s favorite temptations. We would say that it’s in the top 3 right after pride and power although an argument could be made for it being number one on Satan’s list in marriages.

Counterattack

How do we fight back against the attacks of the evil one? First, “do not deprive one another” in other words just do it. Second, realize your life is busy so you need to make room for sex. Thirdly, do not be unaware of Satan’s schemes to thwart sex. And finally, stand against the lies of the devil by reading and re-reading God’s Word especially 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 and The Song of Solomon.

Fight for your right to have sex, resist the devil, and he will flee. Don’t be taken in by the lies of the evil one who is prowling about like a lion seeking whom he may devour with sexual temptation.

Bible Thought: Satan loves it when you don’t have frequent and reciprocal sex with your spouse.

Prayer: Father, help me be aware of Satan’s attempts to deceive me and fill my mind with lies. Help me to stand on your Word of Truth about married sex. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Just do it,

Rene & Gloria

Get Uncomfortable

And I will lead the blind

in a way that they do not know,

in paths that they have not known

I will guide them.

I will turn the darkness before them into light,

the rough places into level ground.

These are the things I do,

and I do not forsake them. (Isaiah 42:16 ESV)

Cultural and Religious Preconceptions Limit Us

Technology is daunting when we first encounter it. Perhaps you had to learn a new software program for your job. We remember our companies preparing us for months in advance for new software. Everyone was in a panic but once it rolled out, and we got used to it, we never gave it a second thought.

Changing our sexual habits is daunting. We’ve grown accustomed to our sexual patterns like an old pair of slippers. It’s safe and comfortable. We have unspoken rules about sex, frequency and reciprocity, in our marriage. So when we understand God’s Word has specific directives for married sex, we tend to deny or ignore them. We fall back on our cultural and religious preconceptions about married sex.

A Disciple of Jesus Expects & Embraces Change

However, being a disciple of Jesus, we know, requires constant reassessment of our habits and patterns. Jesus always calls us out of our comfort zones and into uncomfortable places such as witnessing to our neighbors, feeding the hungry at the homeless shelter, or giving up a long time habit. It’s the same with our marriage and especially our sex lives.

When we understand God’s Word and realize we have to change, it takes us by surprise. But as a disciple we desire to do life God’s way and know there’s always good in obedience. “Whoever gives thought to the word will discover good, and blessed is he who trusts in the Lord.” (Proverbs 16:20) We want to have a marriage that reflects the Word even if it’s uncomfortable.

Changing our sexual habits can be uncomfortable for many reasons but we are called to overcome all obstacles and get out of our comfort zones. There is a cost to following Jesus and marriage God’s way is no exception. Jesus calls us to a place of humility, surrender, and love in marriage and that means frequent and reciprocal sex. (See The Principles of Marriage ESV)

Principles of Marriage

God wants us to understand the Principles of Marriage and practice them regularly. It requires us to get out of our comfort zones and into God’s place of obedience. The good news is that he will guide us and “turn the darkness before (us) into light, the rough places into level ground.” The Holy Spirit will comfort us when we get uncomfortable in the places he sends us. Trust him.

Bible Thought: God wants us to get uncomfortable for our good and his glory.

Prayer: Father, help me to get out of my usual areas of comfort. Help me to put my spouse first even when it’s uncomfortable. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Just do it,

Rene & Gloria