God Sees Us as One

27527817 - decorative owl. tribal pattern. ethnic tattoo. vector illustration.So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. (Ephesians 5:28-31 KJV)

Sex Feels Good and is Good for You!

Type “Health Benefits of Sex” into Google and you get 618 million results. It’s well documented that there are many health benefits of sex and more are discovered seemingly every day. It’s exactly like God to design something that feels good and is good for you!

Here’s one of many health benefits God built into sex according to a recent WebMD article:

“Bonds You to Your Partner – The hormone oxytocin is released during sex, and it sparks feelings of intimacy, affection, and closeness with your partner. That helps build a strong, stable relationship, which is good for everyone.”

Bonded

God goes beyond bonding to bonded. When you’re married, God no longer sees you as two individuals only but now you are bonded as “one flesh”. It’s not like you morphed into a hybrid being like in a sci-fi movie but your status has changed from “individual” to “couple”.

As a married couple, if you hate your wife, you are actually hating yourself. Paul tells husbands to love your wife because your wife is your “own flesh”. He illustrates the point by revealing we are members of Christ’s body – “of his flesh, and of his bones”. There is a spiritual as well as physical aspect our marriage relationship. In fact, Pauls reveals that marital intimacy reflects Christ and his church.

God Sees Us as One

We are rugged individuals, captains of our own ship, and makers of our own destiny. Marriage, our culture tells us, is two individuals coming together for the purpose of supporting each other’s aspirations. We help one another along life’s journey but remain two individuals. Sex is healthy but nothing beyond physical.

God sees us as one. When one is blessed then both are blessed. When one is gifted then both are gifted. When one is hurting then both are hurting. When you yell at your wife, you are yelling at yourself. Paul tells us not to hate our wives because it’s the same as hating ourselves and no one hates themselves.

What we do to the other, we do to ourselves. If we hurt the other, we hurt ourselves. If we love the other, we love ourselves. If we deny sex to the other then we deny sex to ourselves and all its benefits.

Beyond Health Benefits of Sex

Bonding, as we have seen, is one of the many health benefits of sex. Other health benefits of sex include sharper minds, stronger immune system, more energy, pain relief, loss of weight, lower stress, longer life, and better sleep.

When we deny or limit sex to our spouse, then we are not only denying the many health benefits of sex but we are eroding the bond that God wants sex to create in his “one flesh” masterpiece called marriage.

Bible Thought: There are many benefits to sex and we hurt ourselves if we deny or limit sex to our spouse.

Prayer: Father, help me to properly understand the benefits of sex for my marriage. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Just do it,

Rene & Gloria

“Not Now” Means “No”

14417183 - art tree beautiful for your designDo not deprive one another (1 Corinthians 7:5a ESV)

The Delay

There are probably many valid reasons for telling your spouse “Not now, dear” from illness to PTO meetings and everything in-between. We are not talking about these moments tough. If the reason for the delay is reasonable then postpone but set a time.

All things being equal, “Not now, honey” means “No”. Paul tells us, as we have seen numerous times in our journey toward a more biblical married sex life, that we have conjugal responsibilities, our bodies are not our own, and in our verse today, “Do not deprive”! “Do not deprive” is about as clear and direct as you can get.

The Request

There are as many ways to request sex as there are marriages. Most marriages have their own unique ways such as a glance or a secret phrase. Other couples are more direct with a kiss or a touch. You know your unique request methods. The temptation is to “accidentally” miss the signal if you’re not “in the mood”.

The Response

“Not in the mood” is not a biblical response. If we wait for both of us to be “in the mood”, at the same time, then it could be long wait. We’re usually not in the mood because we are looking at ourselves and not our spouse. Selfishness kills “the mood”.

The only biblical response to a request is an enthusiastic, “Yes!” This seems unreasonable in so many ways especially in our culture of individualism. How can anyone, realistically, be in the mood all the time? If you go by your feelings then it’s impossible. Trust God. Pray.

God’s Word tells us clearly that we should be ready for sex. This goes beyond feelings to obedience. The Word says be ready for your spouse when they’re in the mood. You have conjugal responsibilities, your body is your spouse’s, and do not deprive them.

How can you be ready?

First, don’t be surprised when your spouse suggests sex! Many are startled when their spouse says the secret phrase and panic, “Now!?” Be ready, don’t be surprised.

Secondly, anticipate when your spouse will be in the mood. If you’ve been married for any length of time then you should know your spouse’s sexual rhythms. Anticipate.

Thirdly, make sex a priority – think about it, talk about it, plan it. Yes, there are many obstacles to the one flesh reality of marriage including illness, aging, and travel and so many more. But make the effort to make sex a priority.

Fourthly, change your mind about sex and align it with God’s Word and not the culture. We like the way JB Phillips puts it, “Don’t let the world around you squeeze you into its own mold.” (Romans 12:2)

When we put God’s way into practice then we will know God’s plan is good but not before.

Bible Thought: God’s way has to be practiced in order to discover that it is the best way.

Prayer: Father, help my mind to be transformed from cultural biases to God’s truth about married sex. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Just do it,

Rene & Gloria

Joyfully Stuck!

38844163 - vector peerless decorative feather, tribal design, tattoo

Joyfully Stuck!

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24 ESV)

Krazy Glue Applied

Krazy Glue is ethyl cyanoacrylate – “a non-toxic, colorless, extremely fast-acting, strong adhesive. It can lift 2000 pounds per square inch” according to the company website. It is one of the fastest acting and strongest glues available. But it takes a “trigger” to activate its stickiness; that trigger is water which is found on nearly every surface in the world.

Marriage is the strongest and closest of all human relationships. And, like Krazy Glue, it requires a catalyst to activate the adhesive properties. The catalyst for a marriage is physical intimacy – the first time to consummate the marriage and each subsequent time to reinforce the bond.

(No Sex, No Marriage was our first post ever which talks about how the consummation makes the marriage not the wedding, vows, or witnesses. Check it out.)

The Hebrew word for “hold fast”, “cleave” in KJV, is a term used elsewhere in the Bible to describe the sticky quality of a covenant relationship. It means “being intertwined” or “stuck together”. It has the idea of two pieces of paper being glued together. If you try to separate the papers after the glue has dried, you just end up with a shredded mess.

God defines marriage as “stuck” together as in “one flesh”. These are the two principle elements of marriage after “leaving” parents.

Hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Emphasis added)

In other words, once married you are stuck to each other. This is more than a physical oneness, there is a spiritual oneness also, although God highlights the physical connection to illustrate the spiritual connection. (See 1 Corinthians 6:16-20)

Stuck for Life

Once we realize the “stuckness” of our relationship, we understand that this is for life as in “for better or worse, ’til death do us part”. We now have a choice to stay stuck joyfully or to stay stuck miserably or something in-between. The choice is ours.

God, through his definition of marriage, is telling us that the satisfaction in marriage is not necessarily tied to what we would normally think in our modern times. We think a satisfying marriage requires —— fill in the blank. God says a satisfying marriage is leaving, cleaving, and physical and spiritual intimacy.

The question then becomes: How can we stay stuck together joyfully? Well, here’s three ideas around God’s definition of marriage – leave, cleave, physical and spiritual intimacy.

  1. Consider your relationship with your spouse as your number one priority in life because the relationship between a husband and a wife is the closest human relationship on earth. Do not put any relationship above your spouse including your parents, children, or other family members.
  2. “Hold fast” to your spouse with all your might because you are stuck with each other for life. This is good thing. It’s an intentional God thing. He meant it for your joy and his glory so hang on and enjoy life together.
  3. Consider physical intimacy, as not only one element of God’s definition of marriage, but also God’s instruction to keep the relationship stuck together for life.

Marriage either thrives or dies or stays the same. God wants us to thrive in marriage, and in life, by agreeing with his Word and trusting him to help us through the rough patches.

Stay stuck – joyfully!

Bible Thought: God wants us to be joyfully stuck to our spouse.

Prayer: Father, help me to define marriage as you define marriage. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Just do it,

Rene & Gloria

The First Command of God to His Children

Butterfly

The First Command of God to His Children

And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth” (Genesis 1:28a ESV)

The “Law of First Mention” is a hermeneutics term that refers to the importance of the first instance of a word, topic, idea, or doctrine in the Bible. The Law says that, more often than not, the first mention sets the foundation for the interpretation of all other mentions. It therefore tends to carry more weight in the interpretation of any passage about a particular word, topic, idea, or doctrine.

Genesis is a “book of beginnings” and introduces many topics and doctrines of the Bible. It holds a special place in the hermeneutical world of interpretation. Let’s look at a couple significant “first mentions” in Genesis.

  1. The First Institution Defined by God: Marriage

God didn’t waste any time to give us his first institution. He describes marriage as, “a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh”. God’s definition of marriage emphasizes the physical nature of marriage – “one flesh”. (Genesis 2:24)

God created the world and everything in it and immediately instituted marriage and told Adam and Eve to “be fruitful and multiply”. It seems even to the casual observer that God thinks marriage and married sex is important to his plan for mankind, before and after the Fall. Groucho Marx famously said, “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” Well, God thinks it’s good place for his children to find comfort, companionship, and fulfillment.

  1. The First Command of God to His Children: Have lots of sex and produce lots of children.

It’s interesting that God’s very first command to his children was to play in the Garden of Eden! In effect he says to get frisky, enjoy one another, and “fill the earth” with your offspring. He then says subdue the earth.

However, some say that it could mean have sex every 10 months or so and you could still fulfill the command “fill the earth”. This would not be keeping with the spirit of the passage but if we use our best hermeneutical practices, we come come to the conclusion that the whole of Scriptures makes it clear that married sex is to be frequent and reciprocal also.

  1. First Explanation of the Structure of Marriage from God: Complementarianism

God defines marriage as “one flesh” and he gives us the structure of marriage as complementarian when he says, “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” (Genesis 2:18)

Nobody wants to be the “helper” because it sounds like you do all the work and get none of the credit! We get it but God’s way is the best way even when it doesn’t seem “fair” by our standards. His ways are higher than our ways and that’s a very good thing.

For all you egalitarians out there, God’s Word says that the bedroom is the most egalitarian place on the planet! But we will cover that in another post. Stay tuned.

In summary, God’s first institution highlights physical intimacy and his first command calls for lots of physical intimacy. This speaks volumes to the place of sex in marriage. When we try to push sex to the periphery of marriage, the Word always brings us back to God’s original message that sex is central, not peripheral, to a biblical marriage.

Bible Thought: The first institution God created was marriage. God’s first command to those in “The Institution” was to have lots of sex.

Prayer: Father, help me to understand why you think the centrality of sex in marriage is so important. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Just do it,

Rene & Gloria

The Marital Rights of the Wife

The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:3 ESV)

Husbands Encouraged

Conjugal rights, or sexual rights, are a protection for the benefit of the wife as well as the husband. Paul encourages husbands to make sure they fulfill their conjugal responsibilities to their wives first and then, secondly, encourages wives similarly.

Every word, and the placement of every word, in the Bible is strategic. Young’s Literal Translation puts it like this, “To the wife let the husband the due benevolence render,” (emphasis added). The sentence starts “To the wife” suggesting that husbands were neglecting their wives in this area in Corinth.

This verse makes it clear that the conjugal rights of a wife are not to be neglected by her husband. She is to receive the attention she deserves from her husband.

Not Just for the Husband

Yes, the husband usually has the stronger sex drive although not always. But his sexual aggression should not be mistaken for needing sex more than his wife.

The sex drive per se has nothing to do with sexual need and fulfillment. Sex fulfills many things and we make a mistake of thinking that it’s physical only. When we think this way then we wrongly conclude that sex is primarily for the man since he has the greater sex drive.

But sex is more than physical. It involves the body, soul, and spirit. Sex is a renewal of a spiritual covenant commitment, brings order to the chaos of the day, reconnects the disconnected husband and wife, fulfills an intense emotional need in both, and re-establishes an exclusive relationship – and so much more.

The problem is when wives don’t generally think of sex as a need or at least as a need like their husband. God’s Word suggests sexual intimacy is a need of the wife as well as if the husband.

God’s Moral Law and Conjugal Rights

Let’s look at a curious passage in Exodus. This is God’s moral law concerning the conjugal rights of the wife. It is not binding now of course but clearly expresses what God considers right and just about a wife’s conjugal rights.

If he marries another woman, she retains all her full rights to meals, clothing, and marital relations. If he won’t do any of these three things for her, she goes free, for nothing. (Exodus 21:7-11 for context MSG emphasis added)

In summary, if a man bought a Hebrew woman as a slave to be his wife and then decided to marry again, he could not diminish her conjugal rights but would have to maintain the same frequency of sex as before he took a second wife.

For example, if the first wife was used to sex twice a week then he was obligated to continue the same frequency. If he didn’t maintain the same frequency, she could go to the authorities with her complaint.

This is the Old Covenant, of course, but it points out God’s concern for the wife’s conjugal rights.

Bible Thought: God is very concerned about the conjugal rights of wives.

Prayer: Father, help me to see sex from a biblical perspective instead of from the perspective of today’s culture. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Just do it,

Rene & Gloria

How to Talk about You Know What

How to Talk about You Know What

The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:3 ESV)

This post is a little different than the others. Our blog is exclusively about what the Bible says about married sex. But as we’re talking more and more about our blog to people we realize that couples simply aren’t talking about sex in their marriage – at all! This is alarming to us so we thought we would suggests a few questions to get the conversation started. Chances are that if you’re not talking about sex, you’re not doing it very often either.

There are many reasons why married couples don’t talk about sex very often.

We imagine for the wife it’s an uncomfortable topic of conversation because they either know, or suspect, their husbands want more sex than they’re getting. They’d rather not take the blame for the infrequency – again. This causes angst and guilt which leads to feeling badly about themselves or their husband or both.

Also, women, especially in our Christian culture, have been taught since childhood that sex is bad before marriage and the implication is that it’s not much better after marriage. In addition, past conversations with their husbands about sex never ended well and this adds to the reluctance to talk. But for whatever reason there seems to be a loud silence in many marriages.

The fact that the most intimate relationship there is in life, wife and husband, can’t talk about their most intimate time together is sad. Heartbreaking really.

We imagine for the husband, he knows that he’ll either come across as oversexed or worse, a predator, always demanding sex. For the Christian man, this also reveals how unspiritual he is being concerned about the things of the “flesh”. And we all know the flesh is evil; therefore, sex becomes a “necessary evil”. A necessary evil is never good.

It’s a shame that more wives and husbands don’t talk about sex. In a recent Pew survey, the number one reason to get married was “love” (88%). When Pew Research Center asked what makes a successful marriage, a close second to “shared interests” (64%), was a “satisfying sex life” (61%). This suggests that we get married for “love” and then after we’re married for a while we realize that a “satisfying sex life” is one of the major reasons we stay together.

As we said, there are many reasons including everything from past abuse to past promiscuity as reasons not to talk about sex. Sex is an uncomfortable topic and it can get emotional quickly. However, we believe that it’s worth the risk.

Below are five open-ended, non-threatening (mostly), questions that are based on 1 Corinthians 7:1-5. Our prayer is that these will be just the beginning of a on-going conversation about sex in your marriage. The more you talk about sex, the easier it will be to talk about sex.

Ask each other:

  1. Before we were married, what role did you think sex would play in our marriage?
  2. Now that we’re married, has your view changed?
  3. Is sexual temptation something you experience? How often? What form does it usually take? How can I help?
  4. What pops out at you from 1 Corinthians 7:1-5? Why?
  5. What does our sex life look like for you in the future? In the next year? In the next 5 years?

We encourage you to push past your fears and talk about, well, you know what, with your spouse, the one you married and promised to love and cherish.

Bible Thought: God is not afraid to talk about sex. In fact, he dedicates an entire book to it to highlight the importance of sex in marriage.

Prayer: Father, help me not to be embarrassed to talk about sex with my spouse. Help us to open and free to talk with each other about sex. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Just do it,

Rene & Gloria

Lasting Love Must be Taught

Lasting Love Must be Taught

All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. (2 Timothy 3:16 NLT)

Natural is Good for Food but Not for Marriage

You don’t have to teach your child ingratitude. It comes naturally. For the most part, children must be taught what is personally good and socially appropriate. It does not come naturally.

One of the things we don’t need to be taught is falling in love and, for that matter, falling out of love. Many of us fell in love and got married and then promptly fell out of love. Falling in and out of love is natural. Natural is good for food but not for marriage.

Staying in love, on the other hand, needs to be taught. It does not come naturally.

God’s Word Teaches

Fortunately, God understands that teaching is critical to a useful life and a fulfilling marriage. “All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true.”

Today the Bible is under attack as out of date, too hard to understand, and a religious idol – and this is by the church. Many, outside the church, simply discount the Bible as irrelevant.

Many years ago, as a new believer, I (Rene), attended a retreat center where the retreat leader quoted me the verse below after listening to me moan about my life.

Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge,
but whoever hates correction is stupid. (Proverbs 12:1 NIV)

He didn’t say anything else and got up and left the room. I was stunned. Did he just call me “stupid”? It took me a while to get passed my hurt feelings but I knew he was right. I was stupid but I didn’t want to stay stupid. The retreat leader’s rebuke had a profound impact on me. It taught me God’s Word has a way to get to the heart of a matter and that it is very practical. (See Hebrews 4:12)

One way to look at the Bible is as a book of advice – from God. God’s advice to me was to humble myself, be open to align my life with his Word and, most of all, stop moaning.

The Secret of Lasting Love

You don’t have to teach how to fall out of love in a marriage. It comes naturally. Resentment, bitterness, and isolation are the natural byproducts of a marriage between two sinners. God knows this and that’s why he has given us very specific instructions in the Bible to combat these natural tendencies.

First, he shows us our need for Jesus and the gospel of grace where we don’t rely on what we do but on what Christ has done for us. Secondly, he gives us the Holy Spirit to teach us his ways, and teachers in the Body to illuminate the Scriptures. And lastly, he gives us the will and the power to follow his teachings. (See Hebrews 10:14; Hebrews 8:10-12; Ephesians 4:11)

God addresses marriage and the secret of a lasting love in 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 as well as in many other passages in the Bible. In summary, 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 instructs us how we fall in love, and more importantly, how we stay in love.

Verse 2 says that we fall in love lustfully and verse 5 says that we stay in love intentionally.

The pivotal verse is the third, “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.” God’s teaching about what makes a long and satisfying marriage pivots on the conjugal rights and responsibilities of each spouse.

Yes, there’s more to marriage than sex but God tells us that sex is the barometer of a marriage. In other words, if we understand our conjugal rights and responsibilities in marriage then we are building a lasting love based on God’s Principles of Marriage. On the other hand …

Bible Thought: The Bible teaches us how to stay in love.

Prayer: Father, I need your help every day. Show me that your Word is true and trustworthy. Teach me your ways and lead me into your abundant life. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Just do it,

Rene & Gloria

Diluted Senses

38844163 - vector peerless decorative feather, tribal design, tattooLet him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!

For your love is better than wine;

your anointing oils are fragrant;

your name is oil poured out;

therefore virgins love you.

Draw me after you; let us run.

The king has brought me into his chambers. (Song of Solomon 1:2-4a ESV)

A Cabin in the Woods

As we write this, we are on vacation visiting family in northern Idaho. We’re at an AirBnB cabin in the country near a lake and an evergreen forest. The cabin has no Internet, cel reception, or cable. We have to drive 10 miles  to the local library for WiFi to catch up on our emails, texts, blog statistics, and the latest Yankees’ game.

It’s a big adjustment for these city folk!

We sit on the patio each morning. We taste the coffee, see the rabbits at play, feel the sunshine, hear the birds chirping, smell the the pine forest, and hold hands. All our senses are at work taking in all of God’s goodness to us. God intended our senses to experience the glory of his creation and to give thanks to him for his incredible gift of the five senses.

Our Five Senses

We have, to varying degrees, exchanged the richness of our God-given senses for the counterfeit in our postmodern, digital world. Of course, we can’t get away from our senses altogether but a large part of our experience is screen-centric including smartphones, flat screen TV’s, and streaming music services.

There is a movement to get back to an analog life but it’s like spitting in the ocean. The net result of our cool digital life is that we lose the ability to feel, truly feel, the way God designed us to use our five senses.

Our five senses are most alive in the act of love making, nothing is as rich or as satisfying to the senses. You may say a fine wine, an ocean sunset, a Mozart concerto are the most satisfying stimuli to our senses. God says making love to your spouse is the most satisfying stimuli to all your senses. Is there anything on this planet that engages all five senses, in the same way, at the same time, than the act of marital love? Not really. Sight, hearing, smell, touch, and taste come alive in sex unlike anything else.

Solomon and His Bride Got It

Our passage today isn’t even talking about the act yet, our lovers are still in the preparation phase and all the senses are already fully engaged. The handsome king (sight), the kisses of his mouth (touch), his fragrant oil (smell), speaking his name is like “oil poured out” (hearing), and a love that is better than wine (taste).

Our five senses are a gift from God. Why did he give us this marvelous gift? Because when we are fully immersed in one or more of the senses that is when we feel most alive. God wants us to feel alive to the fullest. Jesus calls this the “abundant life”. (See John 10:10)

When we get immersed in our various “screens” to satisfy only what our God-given senses can satisfy, we dilute the experience of life and feel less than truly alive. We exchange true life for a postmodern dullness. We ultimately dilute the senses to our harm. Pornography is the most diluting form of digital dullness.

Feel Truly Alive

God has given most of us a wonderful ability to truly feel alive through the natural use of our five senses. Drink fine wine, go to the ocean and see a wonderful sunset, hike in the mountains and hear the sounds of nature but there’s nothing that engages all the senses, at the same time, in the same way, like making love.

The irony that you’re probably reading this post on your smartphone has not escaped us. So put the phone down, step back and take a walk in the woods, or better yet, find your husband or wife and give them a big kiss!

Bible Thought: God has given most of us a wonderful ability to truly feel alive through our five senses.

Prayer: Father, help me to understand the wonderful gift of the five senses and give you thanks for these glorious gifts. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Just do it,

Rene & Gloria

Men and Women are Different

IMG_2510Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!

For your love is better than wine;

your anointing oils are fragrant;

your name is oil poured out;

therefore virgins love you.

Draw me after you; let us run.

The king has brought me into his chambers. (Song of Solomon 1:2-4a ESV)

A Difference

The world says that men and women are essentially the same and that women can do anything a man can do – only better. This may or may not be true but when it comes to sexual desire and perspective the Bible tells us that men and women are different.

Husband, this may come as news to you, but your wife does not think about sex the same way you do. And the more you try to get her to think about sex the way you do, well, let’s just say it won’t help. And wife, your husband does not think about sex the way you do either.

For example, in Proverbs we get a man’s perspective, “Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.” (Proverbs 5:19b previous post). This verse encourages sexual intoxication and desire in a husband. God has gifted men with an indiscriminately strong sex drive. Now hopefully social pressures, and for the Christian man, the Holy Spirit, mitigate their wild sexual desires or they may end up in another #MeToo story.

The Difference

These two verses, Proverbs 5:19b and Song of Songs 1:1-4, give us insight into the different perspective of sex and desire between men and women. Notice both find sex intoxicating but the man is drunk with desire while the woman is intoxicated with being desired, “For your love is better than wine”. She reinforces this idea of being intoxicated with being deeply desired:

“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth”

“Draw me after you, let us run”

“The king has brought me into his chambers”.

She is intoxicated with the intoxicating passion of her lover and his intense desire for her and her alone. This is not to say she doesn’t also feel a strong sexual feelings but she looks at the relationship from a different point of view.

They both love sexual intimacy but the man is overcome with desire while the woman is overcome with being desired. But the goal is the same. The path is different. God created man and woman, husband and wife, to complement one another – desire and being desired. There may be the occasional overlap and reversal in a marriage from time to time, but generally, men and women differ on sexual desire and perspective.

A Complicated Sexual Dance

Of course, we are looking at a young couple where the passion is rich and unreserved. One thing to keep in mind though is that as a marriage matures the sexual desires seems to merge; that is, the differences are less pronounced. We think particularly of Sarah who laughed at the prospect of sexual “pleasure” at her advanced age of 90 or so. (See Genesis 18:12)

Marriage is a complicated sexual dance and the longer a marriage goes on the greater chance of a misstep. We suspect one of the major problems in a lack of sexual desire is unforgiveness. Unforgiveness leads to resentment and bitterness and the death of desire or being desired. Sexual intimacy is complicated enough without adding unforgiveness. Beware of missteps. Forgive quickly.

The Ideal Marriage

However, our young bride is living the ideal marriage in our love poem. She delights in being desired and values her lover supremely. She can’t wait to consummate their relationship and delights in her husband’s passion for her. As her marriage progresses we would encourage her to beware of snares and obstacles along the way that could get in the way of sexual desire. But for now she is enraptured with passion and waiting for her lover’s kisses.

Bible Thought: Beware of snares and obstacles that could undermine desire and being desired. Forgive quickly.

Prayer: Father, help me to understand the view my spouse has of sexual intimacy. Help me to remove all obstacles that would hinder sexual intimacy in our marriage. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Just do it,

Rene & Gloria

Attitude is Everything

Attitude is Everything

The Song of Songs, which is Solomon’s.
She
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!
(Song of Solomon 1:1,2a ESV)

The first thing we notice in this love poem is the wife’s enthusiasm for her husband. She is on fire for his love! She can’t seem to contain her excitement for his perfect kisses, “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!”. Her attitude springs from sex-positive thoughts about her husband.

Attitude is Everything

William James, the 19th century American philosopher stated, “The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes.” Attitude is everything. As Christians, we can state with confidence that the closer our attitudes align with God’s attitudes the more joyful we will be in this life. In fact, our attitude largely determines what we get from this life. Let’s take on God’s attitude about everything especially marital intimacy.

If your attitude is sex-positive then you’re on your way to enjoying sexual intimacy, and if your spouse’s attitude is sex-positive, then you both can celebrate God’s gift of sex equally. However, if your attitude, or your spouse’s attitude, is otherwise then there’s a lot of work to do. But it’s worth the effort to align your attitude with God’s attitude toward marital sex.

3 Sex-Positive Attitudes

Three things stand out to us in this passage:

  1. She is the aggressor. This woman is no wilting flower waiting for her husband to make the first move. She knows her joy is in the arms of her husband and she is determined to make it happen – the sooner the better.
  2. She is enthusiastic. Our protagonist is so excited about his kisses she doesn’t seem to care what people might think as she declares before the world that her lover is a good kisser.
  3. She is thankful. She seems extremely thankful for her husband. She is confident that her husband wants to reciprocate her affection. She isn’t afraid of his rejection; in fact, it apparently never even enters her mind.

The Reality

This love poem, and poetry in general, uses figurative language to express emotion, truth, and beauty. The Song of Songs paints us a picture of an ideal biblical marriage. We will see later in the poem that everything is not bliss. Our lovers have a Big Misunderstanding in chapter 5 and have to overcome a common marital misconception about sex. Don’t worry, we will get to this reality of married life, but for now let’s enjoy the enthusiasm of our protagonist and smile that she loves to kiss.

Do you love to kiss? Change your attitude about kissing and see how kissing is better than you remembered. Go ahead, try it 🙂

Bible Thought: God’s Word celebrates sexual intimacy, including great kissing, in marriage.

Prayer: Father, help me to change my attitude toward kissing and align myself with God’s attitude toward sexual intimacy. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Just do it,

Rene & Gloria