Author: Rene & Gloria

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The Idea of Marriage

~ Rene & Gloria

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Long Walks Along a Deserted Beach

Most couples before they get married like the idea of marriage. They like the idea of living life together, long walks along a deserted beach, and snuggling at the end of a long day in front of a cozy fireplace.

But once the reality of marriage sets in, the idea of marriage takes on a new meaning. Living life together as two sinners struggling to coordinate schedules, children, meals, and personalities shatters the original idea of marriage.

The Perfect Christian Life

We like the idea of the Christian life with peace with God and each other. We love the idea of fellowship with God and walking in faith throughout the day. We like the idea of church where, so unlike the world, there are no power moves, backstabbing, or gossip. The perfect world of Christian living is a wonderful idea but the reality is usually so much different.

Jesus Gives Us Hope

Jesus gives us hope that the idea and reality can get closer than we thought possible. The secret lies in the soil that receives the seed, the Word of God.

And the seeds that fell on the good soil represent honest, good-hearted people who hear God’s word, cling to it, and patiently produce a huge harvest. (Luke 8:15 NLT)

Do you want your reality to be closer to your idea of marriage? Jesus gives three ways to close the gap.

  1. Prepare your heart with a deep, teachable, and honest humility.
  2. Cling to the Word like your life depended on it because it does.
  3. Be patient because it takes a lifetime for the idea to match the reality.

The idea of marriage is good but the reality can be better.

Blessings, René and Gloria

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Is your Husband Depressed?
“Amen!”
Marriage Made Simple

“The Greatest Challenge Facing the Christian Church in the 21st Century” – A. Hart, Ph.D

~ Rene & Gloria

IMG_1975In our last post, Is Your Husband Depressed?, Archibald Hart (Ph.D., FPPR., Senior Professor of Psychology and Dean Emeritus Graduate School of Psychology, Fuller Theological Seminary) explains testosterone induced depression in men and its remedy. He says that Christian men in particular are susceptible to this malady because of an over-sensitive conscience and the absence of adequate teaching in the church.

Dr. Hart goes on to state, “The greatest challenge facing the Christian church in this twenty first century lies in the realm of sexuality. And it is men, especially ‘good’, Christian men, who face the greatest challenge.”

It’s worth repeating, “The greatest challenge facing the Christian church in this twenty first century lies in the realm of sexuality.”

We tend to agree and that’s why we wrote our books. It’s time for the church to take on this challenge.

Why?

  • 68 percent of church-going men and over 50 percent of pastors view porn on a regular basis.
  • Christian adults 18-24 years old, 76 percent actively search for porn.
  • 59 percent of pastors said that married men seek their help for porn use.
  • Only 13 percent of self-identified Christian women say they never watch porn – 87 percent of Christian women have watched porn.
  • 57 percent of pastors say porn addiction is the most damaging issue in their congregation.
  • 69 percent of pastors say porn has adversely impacted the church.
  • Only 7 percent of pastors say their church has a program to help people struggling with pornography.1

How can we address the church’s greatest challenge of the 21st Century? Dr. Hart gives us some guidelines (our editorial summary in parentheses).

• To begin with, we need to acknowledge our need for divine intervention. (Pray)

• We must help the church at large to break the veil of silence that shrouds sexuality. (Teach)

• Couples need help in addressing sexual problems as early as possible in their marriages. (Sex Counseling and Therapy)

Pray – Teach – Counsel

Praying, teaching, and counseling is the work of the church. Our greatest challenge is sexuality; therefore, it makes sense that the church should major on praying, teaching, and counseling about sex to singles and marrieds alike. As Paul says in Ephesians 5:13,14 …

But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says,

“Awake, O sleeper,
and arise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”

There’s no time like the present to shed light on this dark silence in the church. You can help. Talk to your church leadership about praying, teaching and, counseling on sexuality from the Bible.

There is hope but only as we illuminate the darkness with the truth.

Blessings, René and Gloria

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Is your Husband Depressed?
“Amen!”
Marriage Made Simple

  1. https://www.charismanews.com/us/73208-15-statistics-about-the-church-and-pornography-that-will-blow-your-mind ↩

Is Your Husband Depressed?

~ Rene & Gloria ~ 2 Comments
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Archibald Hart, a leading Christian expert on male depression, says, “When a sexual outlet is denied, and by this I mean a reduced frequency of orgasm, such males become irritable and aggressive and develop a set of behaviors that can best be described as ‘sulking’ or ‘moodiness’. This unique form of depression sets in fairly quickly whenever sexual activity diminishes.”1

Dr. Hart explains, in another article, why Christian men intentionally avoid intimacy and thereby, ironically, bring on their own depression.

Good men have difficulty differentiating between ordinary, healthy sexuality and what is abnormal. Many men fear that just because they have a strong sex drive they are in some way deviant. “I must be something of a freak” a pretty normal pastor told me once. Some even fear that they may be “perverted” or addicted to some sexual aberration.

Men with strong sex drives can easily develop a pervasive sense of shame and self-rejection, even though a strong drive, in and of itself, is NOT abnormal. (Archibald D. Hart, Ph.D., FPPR., Senior Professor of Psychology and Dean Emeritus Graduate School of Psychology, Fuller Theological Seminary)2

The Bible is clear that the primary way to successfully control sexual urges is in a healthy marriage with frequent and reciprocal sex. A biblical marriage goes a long way in mitigating “testosterone induced depression” (Dr. Hart’s term) in Christian men.

Let your fountain be blessed,
and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
a lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;
be intoxicated always in her love. (Proverb 5:18,19 ESV)

Our book, Radical, addresses the topics of frequency and reciprocity in a Christian marriage from the Bible. We’re not telling you this to sell books but to help marriages and relieve your husband’s depression. Granted, there are many forms of depression but this is one that has a practical remedy.

The opposite of depression is delight.

Delight yourself in the Lord first and then delight in the wife or husband of your youth. God’s Word is so practical.

Blessings, René and Gloria

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“Amen!”
Marriage Made Simple

  1. Real Marriage: The Truth about Sex, Friendship & Life Together; Mark and Grace Driscoll; p 163 quoting Archibald Hart. ↩
  2. http://www.ncachurch.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/Sexuality_pornography_christians.pdf↩