The First Command of God to His Children


The First Command of God to His Children

And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth” (Genesis 1:28a ESV)

The “Law of First Mention” is a hermeneutics term that refers to the importance of the first instance of a word, topic, idea, or doctrine in the Bible. The Law says that, more often than not, the first mention sets the foundation for the interpretation of all other mentions. It therefore tends to carry more weight in the interpretation of any passage about a particular word, topic, idea, or doctrine.

Genesis is a “book of beginnings” and introduces many topics and doctrines of the Bible. It holds a special place in the hermeneutical world of interpretation. Let’s look at a couple significant “first mentions” in Genesis.

  1. The First Institution Defined by God: Marriage

God didn’t waste any time to give us his first institution. He describes marriage as, “a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh”. God’s definition of marriage emphasizes the physical nature of marriage – “one flesh”. (Genesis 2:24)

God created the world and everything in it and immediately instituted marriage and told Adam and Eve to “be fruitful and multiply”. It seems even to the casual observer that God thinks marriage and married sex is important to his plan for mankind, before and after the Fall. Groucho Marx famously said, “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” Well, God thinks it’s good place for his children to find comfort, companionship, and fulfillment.

  1. The First Command of God to His Children: Have lots of sex and produce lots of children.

It’s interesting that God’s very first command to his children was to play in the Garden of Eden! In effect he says to get frisky, enjoy one another, and “fill the earth” with your offspring. He then says subdue the earth.

However, some say that it could mean have sex every 10 months or so and you could still fulfill the command “fill the earth”. This would not be keeping with the spirit of the passage but if we use our best hermeneutical practices, we come come to the conclusion that the whole of Scriptures makes it clear that married sex is to be frequent and reciprocal also.

  1. First Explanation of the Structure of Marriage from God: Complementarianism

God defines marriage as “one flesh” and he gives us the structure of marriage as complementarian when he says, “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” (Genesis 2:18)

Nobody wants to be the “helper” because it sounds like you do all the work and get none of the credit! We get it but God’s way is the best way even when it doesn’t seem “fair” by our standards. His ways are higher than our ways and that’s a very good thing.

For all you egalitarians out there, God’s Word says that the bedroom is the most egalitarian place on the planet! But we will cover that in another post. Stay tuned.

In summary, God’s first institution highlights physical intimacy and his first command calls for lots of physical intimacy. This speaks volumes to the place of sex in marriage. When we try to push sex to the periphery of marriage, the Word always brings us back to God’s original message that sex is central, not peripheral, to a biblical marriage.

Bible Thought: The first institution God created was marriage. God’s first command to those in “The Institution” was to have lots of sex.

Prayer: Father, help me to understand why you think the centrality of sex in marriage is so important. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Join our Facebook Group Page for our Weekend Bonus Posts, updates, discussion, book excerpts, surveys, and more.

Just do it,

Rene & Gloria

The Marital Rights of the Wife

The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:3 ESV)

Husbands Encouraged

Conjugal rights, or sexual rights, are a protection for the benefit of the wife as well as the husband. Paul encourages husbands to make sure they fulfill their conjugal responsibilities to their wives first and then, secondly, encourages wives similarly.

Every word, and the placement of every word, in the Bible is strategic. Young’s Literal Translation puts it like this, “To the wife let the husband the due benevolence render,” (emphasis added). The sentence starts “To the wife” suggesting that husbands were neglecting their wives in this area in Corinth.

This verse makes it clear that the conjugal rights of a wife are not to be neglected by her husband. She is to receive the attention she deserves from her husband.

Not Just for the Husband

Yes, the husband usually has the stronger sex drive although not always. But his sexual aggression should not be mistaken for needing sex more than his wife.

The sex drive per se has nothing to do with sexual need and fulfillment. Sex fulfills many things and we make a mistake of thinking that it’s physical only. When we think this way then we wrongly conclude that sex is primarily for the man since he has the greater sex drive.

But sex is more than physical. It involves the body, soul, and spirit. Sex is a renewal of a spiritual covenant commitment, brings order to the chaos of the day, reconnects the disconnected husband and wife, fulfills an intense emotional need in both, and re-establishes an exclusive relationship – and so much more.

The problem is when wives don’t generally think of sex as a need or at least as a need like their husband. God’s Word suggests sexual intimacy is a need of the wife as well as if the husband.

God’s Moral Law and Conjugal Rights

Let’s look at a curious passage in Exodus. This is God’s moral law concerning the conjugal rights of the wife. It is not binding now of course but clearly expresses what God considers right and just about a wife’s conjugal rights.

If he marries another woman, she retains all her full rights to meals, clothing, and marital relations. If he won’t do any of these three things for her, she goes free, for nothing. (Exodus 21:7-11 for context MSG emphasis added)

In summary, if a man bought a Hebrew woman as a slave to be his wife and then decided to marry again, he could not diminish her conjugal rights but would have to maintain the same frequency of sex as before he took a second wife.

For example, if the first wife was used to sex twice a week then he was obligated to continue the same frequency. If he didn’t maintain the same frequency, she could go to the authorities with her complaint.

This is the Old Covenant, of course, but it points out God’s concern for the wife’s conjugal rights.

Bible Thought: God is very concerned about the conjugal rights of wives.

Prayer: Father, help me to see sex from a biblical perspective instead of from the perspective of today’s culture. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Join our Facebook Group Page for our Weekend Bonus Posts, updates, discussion, book excerpts, surveys, and more.

Just do it,

Rene & Gloria

How to Talk about You Know What

How to Talk about You Know What

The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:3 ESV)

This post is a little different than the others. Our blog is exclusively about what the Bible says about married sex. But as we’re talking more and more about our blog to people we realize that couples simply aren’t talking about sex in their marriage – at all! This is alarming to us so we thought we would suggests a few questions to get the conversation started. Chances are that if you’re not talking about sex, you’re not doing it very often either.

There are many reasons why married couples don’t talk about sex very often.

We imagine for the wife it’s an uncomfortable topic of conversation because they either know, or suspect, their husbands want more sex than they’re getting. They’d rather not take the blame for the infrequency – again. This causes angst and guilt which leads to feeling badly about themselves or their husband or both.

Also, women, especially in our Christian culture, have been taught since childhood that sex is bad before marriage and the implication is that it’s not much better after marriage. In addition, past conversations with their husbands about sex never ended well and this adds to the reluctance to talk. But for whatever reason there seems to be a loud silence in many marriages.

The fact that the most intimate relationship there is in life, wife and husband, can’t talk about their most intimate time together is sad. Heartbreaking really.

We imagine for the husband, he knows that he’ll either come across as oversexed or worse, a predator, always demanding sex. For the Christian man, this also reveals how unspiritual he is being concerned about the things of the “flesh”. And we all know the flesh is evil; therefore, sex becomes a “necessary evil”. A necessary evil is never good.

It’s a shame that more wives and husbands don’t talk about sex. In a recent Pew survey, the number one reason to get married was “love” (88%). When Pew Research Center asked what makes a successful marriage, a close second to “shared interests” (64%), was a “satisfying sex life” (61%). This suggests that we get married for “love” and then after we’re married for a while we realize that a “satisfying sex life” is one of the major reasons we stay together.

As we said, there are many reasons including everything from past abuse to past promiscuity as reasons not to talk about sex. Sex is an uncomfortable topic and it can get emotional quickly. However, we believe that it’s worth the risk.

Below are five open-ended, non-threatening (mostly), questions that are based on 1 Corinthians 7:1-5. Our prayer is that these will be just the beginning of a on-going conversation about sex in your marriage. The more you talk about sex, the easier it will be to talk about sex.

Ask each other:

  1. Before we were married, what role did you think sex would play in our marriage?
  2. Now that we’re married, has your view changed?
  3. Is sexual temptation something you experience? How often? What form does it usually take? How can I help?
  4. What pops out at you from 1 Corinthians 7:1-5? Why?
  5. What does our sex life look like for you in the future? In the next year? In the next 5 years?

We encourage you to push past your fears and talk about, well, you know what, with your spouse, the one you married and promised to love and cherish.

Bible Thought: God is not afraid to talk about sex. In fact, he dedicates an entire book to it to highlight the importance of sex in marriage.

Prayer: Father, help me not to be embarrassed to talk about sex with my spouse. Help us to open and free to talk with each other about sex. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Join our Facebook Group Page for our Weekend Bonus Posts, updates, discussion, book excerpts, surveys, and more.

Just do it,

Rene & Gloria

Diluted Senses

38844163 - vector peerless decorative feather, tribal design, tattooLet him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!

For your love is better than wine;

your anointing oils are fragrant;

your name is oil poured out;

therefore virgins love you.

Draw me after you; let us run.

The king has brought me into his chambers. (Song of Solomon 1:2-4a ESV)

A Cabin in the Woods

As we write this, we are on vacation visiting family in northern Idaho. We’re at an AirBnB cabin in the country near a lake and an evergreen forest. The cabin has no Internet, cel reception, or cable. We have to drive 10 miles  to the local library for WiFi to catch up on our emails, texts, blog statistics, and the latest Yankees’ game.

It’s a big adjustment for these city folk!

We sit on the patio each morning. We taste the coffee, see the rabbits at play, feel the sunshine, hear the birds chirping, smell the the pine forest, and hold hands. All our senses are at work taking in all of God’s goodness to us. God intended our senses to experience the glory of his creation and to give thanks to him for his incredible gift of the five senses.

Our Five Senses

We have, to varying degrees, exchanged the richness of our God-given senses for the counterfeit in our postmodern, digital world. Of course, we can’t get away from our senses altogether but a large part of our experience is screen-centric including smartphones, flat screen TV’s, and streaming music services.

There is a movement to get back to an analog life but it’s like spitting in the ocean. The net result of our cool digital life is that we lose the ability to feel, truly feel, the way God designed us to use our five senses.

Our five senses are most alive in the act of love making, nothing is as rich or as satisfying to the senses. You may say a fine wine, an ocean sunset, a Mozart concerto are the most satisfying stimuli to our senses. God says making love to your spouse is the most satisfying stimuli to all your senses. Is there anything on this planet that engages all five senses, in the same way, at the same time, than the act of marital love? Not really. Sight, hearing, smell, touch, and taste come alive in sex unlike anything else.

Solomon and His Bride Got It

Our passage today isn’t even talking about the act yet, our lovers are still in the preparation phase and all the senses are already fully engaged. The handsome king (sight), the kisses of his mouth (touch), his fragrant oil (smell), speaking his name is like “oil poured out” (hearing), and a love that is better than wine (taste).

Our five senses are a gift from God. Why did he give us this marvelous gift? Because when we are fully immersed in one or more of the senses that is when we feel most alive. God wants us to feel alive to the fullest. Jesus calls this the “abundant life”. (See John 10:10)

When we get immersed in our various “screens” to satisfy only what our God-given senses can satisfy, we dilute the experience of life and feel less than truly alive. We exchange true life for a postmodern dullness. We ultimately dilute the senses to our harm. Pornography is the most diluting form of digital dullness.

Feel Truly Alive

God has given most of us a wonderful ability to truly feel alive through the natural use of our five senses. Drink fine wine, go to the ocean and see a wonderful sunset, hike in the mountains and hear the sounds of nature but there’s nothing that engages all the senses, at the same time, in the same way, like making love.

The irony that you’re probably reading this post on your smartphone has not escaped us. So put the phone down, step back and take a walk in the woods, or better yet, find your husband or wife and give them a big kiss!

Bible Thought: God has given most of us a wonderful ability to truly feel alive through our five senses.

Prayer: Father, help me to understand the wonderful gift of the five senses and give you thanks for these glorious gifts. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Join our Facebook Group Page for our Weekend Bonus Posts, updates, discussion, book excerpts, surveys, and more.

Just do it,

Rene & Gloria

Attitude is Everything

Attitude is Everything

The Song of Songs, which is Solomon’s.
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!
(Song of Solomon 1:1,2a ESV)

The first thing we notice in this love poem is the wife’s enthusiasm for her husband. She is on fire for his love! She can’t seem to contain her excitement for his perfect kisses, “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!”. Her attitude springs from sex-positive thoughts about her husband.

Attitude is Everything

William James, the 19th century American philosopher stated, “The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes.” Attitude is everything. As Christians, we can state with confidence that the closer our attitudes align with God’s attitudes the more joyful we will be in this life. In fact, our attitude largely determines what we get from this life. Let’s take on God’s attitude about everything especially marital intimacy.

If your attitude is sex-positive then you’re on your way to enjoying sexual intimacy, and if your spouse’s attitude is sex-positive, then you both can celebrate God’s gift of sex equally. However, if your attitude, or your spouse’s attitude, is otherwise then there’s a lot of work to do. But it’s worth the effort to align your attitude with God’s attitude toward marital sex.

3 Sex-Positive Attitudes

Three things stand out to us in this passage:

  1. She is the aggressor. This woman is no wilting flower waiting for her husband to make the first move. She knows her joy is in the arms of her husband and she is determined to make it happen – the sooner the better.
  2. She is enthusiastic. Our protagonist is so excited about his kisses she doesn’t seem to care what people might think as she declares before the world that her lover is a good kisser.
  3. She is thankful. She seems extremely thankful for her husband. She is confident that her husband wants to reciprocate her affection. She isn’t afraid of his rejection; in fact, it apparently never even enters her mind.

The Reality

This love poem, and poetry in general, uses figurative language to express emotion, truth, and beauty. The Song of Songs paints us a picture of an ideal biblical marriage. We will see later in the poem that everything is not bliss. Our lovers have a Big Misunderstanding in chapter 5 and have to overcome a common marital misconception about sex. Don’t worry, we will get to this reality of married life, but for now let’s enjoy the enthusiasm of our protagonist and smile that she loves to kiss.

Do you love to kiss? Change your attitude about kissing and see how kissing is better than you remembered. Go ahead, try it 🙂

Bible Thought: God’s Word celebrates sexual intimacy, including great kissing, in marriage.

Prayer: Father, help me to change my attitude toward kissing and align myself with God’s attitude toward sexual intimacy. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Join our Facebook Group Page for our Weekend Bonus Posts, updates, discussion, book excerpts, surveys, and more.

Just do it,

Rene & Gloria

How to Be Sex-Positive

How to Be Sex-Positive

The Song of Songs, which is Solomon’s.
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!
(Song of Solomon 1:1,2a ESV)

Song of Songs is Sex-Positive

The Song of Songs is a love poem extolling the joy of sexual intimacy in marriage. God wants us to consider it as a picture of an ideal marriage. It is no accident God included this curious book in his canon of Scripture.

We call it curious because many Christian don’t want to think about sex, let alone talk about it. God has other ideas and let’s us know by putting a book all about sexual intimacy in his Word. The reality is that Satan wants us to think about sex in his terms of depravity and vulgarity.

The culture of the Middle East at the time of the writing of the Song of Songs was sex-positive. God wants us to think about sex his way as the glorious center of a covenant marriage.

Sex Gets a Bad Rep

Sex started to get a bad reputation at the beginning of the church age. A few early church fathers went so far as to castrate themselves in the name of holiness. This was the beginning of a love-hate affair with sex in the Christian community.

Satan has taken advantage of fanatical Christian sexual ideology ever since. It’s not a coincidence that the number one most vulgar word in our culture is a description of the sex act. Satan, the god of this world, wants anything God holds in esteem to be denigrated. Sexual intimacy is no exception; in fact, the devil majors on polluting what God has declared as “very good”.

It’s also no coincidence that the second most used profanity in our culture is our Savior’s name. It’s almost as if Satan says, “Yes, one day every knee will bend to the name of Jesus, but in the meantime it will be a curse word.” The two most used profanities concern sexual intimacy and our Lord’s name. No surprises from the god of this world.

It should tell us something about Satan’s strategies to pollute our sexual intimacy in marriage and our spiritual intimacy in Christ.

Taking a Stand

So when we are, at best, ambiguous about sexual intimacy; and, at worse, repulsed by sexual intimacy then we are aligning ourselves with the devil’s doctrines of polluted sex. It’s only when we think correctly about married sex will we be able to do married sex as God intended.

The Song of Songs is sex-positive because God is sex-positive. It’s time we take back the territory that Satan has stolen from us for 2,000 years. Married sex is God’s idea and he thinks it’s a good one.

Bible Thought: God’s Word celebrates sex in a committed covenant marriage.

Prayer: Father, help me be sex-positive as God is sex-positive and stand against the cultural lies of the evil one. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Join our Facebook Group Page for our Weekend Bonus Posts, updates, discussion, book excerpts, surveys, and more.

Just do it,

Rene & Gloria

Marriage: God’s Boot Camp

38844163 - vector peerless decorative feather, tribal design, tattooMarriage: God’s Boot Camp

The Song of Songs, which is Solomon’s. (Song of Solomon 1:1 ESV)

Celebration of Sexual Love God Intended for Marriage

We’re going to tackle The Song of Solomon for a while since it celebrates sexual love between a husband and wife. It also is a picture of Christ and his church echoing Ephesians 5:31,32. These are not contradictory because God himself chooses to compare marital love with Christ’s love.

In our church culture, we often separate the physical and spiritual lifting the spiritual above the physical. God wants us to be comfortable with both the spiritual and physical realities of his creation and see them the way he sees them. To this end, he gives us The Song of Solomon as his picture of ideal married love.

If he wanted only a spiritual universe occupied by spiritual beings then he had that with the angels before Creation. But he wanted something physical, lavish, and sensual so he created the earth with Adam and Eve at the center, declaring them “one flesh” in marriage.

The Best of the Best

The author starts with the words, “Song of Songs” in verse 1. It’s like saying “the best of the best”. The writer is declaring that this song is the highest song of all songs, there is no higher or more important song in all the world. Of course, the songs, we know as The Psalms, are higher in the sense that they praise the living God who is above all and Almighty.

Our author is not contradicting God’s supreme position, he is simply saying that the sexual relationship God intended between a husband and wife is the highest, most glorious, relationship in all of God’s creation outside of our relationship with God himself.

Love One Another

Jesus says, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:35 NIV) Jesus tells us, on more than one occasion, that love is the goal of the Christian life. We can know the Bible, prophesy, perform signs and wonders, but only love counts in the end. Love is the Fruit of the Spirit and flows from a close personal relationship with Christ.

If we can’t love our spouse then how can we love anyone else? In fact, marriage is God’s boot camp for learning how to love another person. Let’s start with a sincere, gospel-centered, God-honoring love of our spouse and then we will know how to love others.

The Song of Solomon shows us exactly what a gospel-centered marriage looks like with mutual sexual submission at it’s core. We are excited about all the things The Song of Solomon will teach us. Love is good place to start.

Bible Thought: Marriage is God’s Boot Camp of love.

Prayer: Father, help me to learn how to love my spouse so I can be used by you to show love to the rest of the world. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Join our Facebook Group Page for our Weekend Bonus Posts, updates, discussion, book excerpts, surveys, and more.

Just do it,

Rene & Gloria

Life is Short


Life is Short

Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. (James 4:14 NIV)

Most people at the end of their life don’t say that they should have worked more, traveled less, or made love fewer times.

Life is short and God wants us to major on the major and minor the minor and not get distracted from what’s really important. We get messed up and our thinking gets skewed as we go merrily along in life. As we learned in our last post, Satan’s task is to get us off course and confuse us about what is really important.

The entire Bible is about getting our priorities straight when you really think about it. Every time we take up the Word the Holy Spirit is trying to break through our prejudices and preconceptions about life. He is trying to shock us into reality. He says, “Hey, wake up! The Word is true. Stop doing what your doing. Do life God’s way because he loves you and knows what’s best for you.”

“Wake up, sleeper,

rise from the dead,

and Christ will shine on you.” (Ephesians 5:14)

What does it mean to “Wake up, rise from the dead”? It means that we should see the world through the eyes of the Word and then respond appropriately. When we “wake up” to the instruction of the Holy Spirit then Christ will shine on us. It seems to us that’s a good thing.

In marriage, Christ’s light shining on us produces love and intimacy reflecting his love and intimacy for his people. It is to see our spouse as our most important relationship outside of Christ. It’s to work at our relationship with humility, forgiveness, and hope.

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery but I am talking about Christ and the church. (Ephesians 5:31,32)

When we get to the end to our life, we will not say we made love too many times with our spouse. Don’t let the locust eat up the years of your youth with unimportant stuff. It took us many years to discover God’s truth about intimacy in marriage.

The purpose of our book and blog is to help you discover this truth a lot sooner than we did. May Christ’s light shine on you and your marriage.

Bible Thought: Marriage is important to God because it is the essential building block of society and a truly biblical marriage reflects Christ’s intimacy with his people.

Prayer: Father, help me to live my life to the fullest according to your Word. Help me love and respect my spouse. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Join our Facebook Group Page for our Weekend Bonus Posts, updates, discussion, book excerpts, surveys, and more.

Just do it,

Rene & Gloria

Satan’s Wish List

Satan’s Wish List

Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Corinthians 7:5 ESV emphasis added)

Satan is Alive and Well Despite Rumors to the Contrary

Sometimes it seems no one believes in the devil anymore. He has become a cartoon character. Jesus talked a lot about Satan, so we’re going with Jesus on this one.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. (Matthew 6:13 NIV)

Satan Does Not Want You to Have Sex with Your Spouse

In marriage, the number one goal of Satan is to keep husbands and wives from having sex. We’re not saying this, Paul is saying this. God’s Word tells us clearly in our passage that Satan looks forward to you not having sex with your spouse. In fact, he loves it when you have infrequent and non-reciprocal sex because he knows you are then ripe for sexual sin.

Satan will do anything he can to keep you from having sex so that you will lose “self-control”. He loves it when you are out of control sexually. He looks for opportunities to strike when he senses your sexual and emotional needs are not being met. This can lead to physical or emotional affairs with someone other than your spouse.

Satan Will Distract You from Sex in Three Ways

  1. Circumstances – He will encourage a lifestyle that is so crammed with places to go and things to do that there’s just no time for sex.
  2. Distraction – He will tell you that everything is more important than sex. If you think sex is the next thing on the agenda then he will introduce an urgent need to distract you.
  3. Deception – He will try to convince you that frequent sex with your spouse is excessive sensuality and that you need to stuff it to show “real” self-control. He will also try to convince your spouse that sex with you is the last thing they want or need.

God’s Word, on the other hand, tells us that frequent and reciprocal sex is the way to counter Satan’s temptations. Paul reminds us that sex is one of Satan’s favorite temptations. We would say that it’s in the top 3 right after pride and power although an argument could be made for it being number one on Satan’s list in marriages.


How do we fight back against the attacks of the evil one? First, “do not deprive one another” in other words just do it. Second, realize your life is busy so you need to make room for sex. Thirdly, do not be unaware of Satan’s schemes to thwart sex. And finally, stand against the lies of the devil by reading and re-reading God’s Word especially 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 and The Song of Solomon.

Fight for your right to have sex, resist the devil, and he will flee. Don’t be taken in by the lies of the evil one who is prowling about like a lion seeking whom he may devour with sexual temptation.

Bible Thought: Satan loves it when you don’t have frequent and reciprocal sex with your spouse.

Prayer: Father, help me be aware of Satan’s attempts to deceive me and fill my mind with lies. Help me to stand on your Word of Truth about married sex. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Join our Facebook Group Page for our Weekend Bonus Posts, updates, discussion, book excerpts, surveys, and more.

Just do it,

Rene & Gloria

Pay Attention

BlFeatherI am my beloved’s,

and his desire is for me.

(Song of Solomon 7:10 ESV)

God is a Jealous God

God is a jealous God and wants our attention. He doesn’t demand our attention although he is the only one worthy of all our attention. He is altogether lovely, his excellencies are unlimited, his beauty is fathomless, and he is the only one worthy of all honor and praise.

We have free will so he doesn’t demand our attention but it would do us well to give him the attention he deserves. It is for our benefit; after all, he doesn’t need our attention but knows it is the best thing we can do for ourselves.

God notices when we give him attention in worship, prayer, and communion. Our attention turns to affection as we see him for who he is even in our limited capacity to comprehended infinite love.

Your Spouse is a Jealous Spouse

Your spouse has every right to be jealous of anything you value more than them in this world. When you got married, you promised your spouse that they would be the most important thing in your life, to cherish and nourish ’till death do you part.

Pauls tells husbands, after giving God the attention he deserves, the best thing you can do for yourself is give your wife your full attention and affection. After all, you pamper yourself, so pamper your wife! It’s actually the same thing.

In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. (Ephesians 5:28,29)

When a husband’s attention is divided, his wife will feel less valued than whatever gets most of his attention. Most of us have jobs to go to, activities we enjoy, and duties to perform but your wife should feel she is the greatest treasure in your life.

Likewise the wife should make her husband feel he is the most important person besides Christ in her life. When this full attention is flowing both ways then you have the beginnings of a solid, biblical marriage. Give one another the attention they deserve and promised when you got married. Divided attention, divides marriages.

His Desire is for Me

Our Song of Solomon passage paints the picture of a satisfied wife, one who knows that her husband desires her more than anything in this world. “I am my beloved’s, and his desire is for me.”

She is confident in his undivided attention and responds with frequent and reciprocal sex as we see throughout the book of Song of Solomon.

Of course, the principles are the same for the wife. Anything that draws your main attention away from your husband leaves your husband feeling disrespected, devalued.

Sex is the One Constant, Everything Else is Variable

We understand that there are ups an downs in marriage and that attention to your spouse, and from your spouse, waxes and wanes depending on the season of life or circumstances. However, there is one constant in a marriage and everything else is variable. Houses, jobs, friends, hobbies, health, memory, and everything else come and go but sexual intimacy should not come and go. It should be the anchor, the one constant, that steadies the storms of life in your marriage.

Sexual intimacy is the one constant in marriage and, ultimately, the barometer of attention and affection.

Bible Thought: Jesus is our spiritual Anchor. Sexual intimacy is our marital anchor.

Prayer: Father, help me to value, respect and put my spouse first after you. Amen.

Join our Facebook Group Page for our Weekend Bonus Posts, updates, discussion, book excerpts, surveys, and more.

Just do it,

Rene & Gloria