How to Be Sex-Positive

How to Be Sex-Positive

The Song of Songs, which is Solomon’s.
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!
(Song of Solomon 1:1,2a ESV)

Song of Songs is Sex-Positive

The Song of Songs is a love poem extolling the joy of sexual intimacy in marriage. God wants us to consider it as a picture of an ideal marriage. It is no accident God included this curious book in his canon of Scripture.

We call it curious because many Christian don’t want to think about sex, let alone talk about it. God has other ideas and let’s us know by putting a book all about sexual intimacy in his Word. The reality is that Satan wants us to think about sex in his terms of depravity and vulgarity.

The culture of the Middle East at the time of the writing of the Song of Songs was sex-positive. God wants us to think about sex his way as the glorious center of a covenant marriage.

Sex Gets a Bad Rep

Sex started to get a bad reputation at the beginning of the church age. A few early church fathers went so far as to castrate themselves in the name of holiness. This was the beginning of a love-hate affair with sex in the Christian community.

Satan has taken advantage of fanatical Christian sexual ideology ever since. It’s not a coincidence that the number one most vulgar word in our culture is a description of the sex act. Satan, the god of this world, wants anything God holds in esteem to be denigrated. Sexual intimacy is no exception; in fact, the devil majors on polluting what God has declared as “very good”.

It’s also no coincidence that the second most used profanity in our culture is our Savior’s name. It’s almost as if Satan says, “Yes, one day every knee will bend to the name of Jesus, but in the meantime it will be a curse word.” The two most used profanities concern sexual intimacy and our Lord’s name. No surprises from the god of this world.

It should tell us something about Satan’s strategies to pollute our sexual intimacy in marriage and our spiritual intimacy in Christ.

Taking a Stand

So when we are, at best, ambiguous about sexual intimacy; and, at worse, repulsed by sexual intimacy then we are aligning ourselves with the devil’s doctrines of polluted sex. It’s only when we think correctly about married sex will we be able to do married sex as God intended.

The Song of Songs is sex-positive because God is sex-positive. It’s time we take back the territory that Satan has stolen from us for 2,000 years. Married sex is God’s idea and he thinks it’s a good one.

Bible Thought: God’s Word celebrates sex in a committed covenant marriage.

Prayer: Father, help me be sex-positive as God is sex-positive and stand against the cultural lies of the evil one. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Just do it,

Rene & Gloria


13376301 - education in the books


This is Part 3 of a five part series based on the “5 False Assumptions about Married Sex”. Part 1, can be found here The Only Reason to Get Married. Part 2 is here Sex & Sanctification.

False Assumption #3: We say sex is primarily for men and secondarily for women. God says sex is for both husband and wife equally.

The Song of Songs, which is Solomon’s.

The Bride Confesses Her Love


Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!
For your love is better than wine;

    your anointing oils are fragrant;
your name is oil poured out;
therefore virgins love you. 

Draw me after you; let us run.
The king has brought me into his chambers.
(Song of Solomon 1:1-4 ESV)

S.O.S is an international signal of distress. S.O.S, or Song of Solomon, is God’s remedy for marital distress. This fascinating book of the Bible may not be easy to understand but it’s Principles of Sexual Love are loud and clear. Married sex is for both men and women – equally. However, this book also makes it clear that men and women view sex differently but that’s for another post.

The Word never even hints that sex is primarily for men and secondarily for women. Leah and Rachel fought over Jacob’s sexual attentions. Sarah laughed after being told she would have “pleasure” in her old age, “After I am worn out, and my lord is old, shall I have pleasure?” (Genesis 18:12 ESV) The woman in the Song of Solomon is “intoxicated” with sexual desire for her husband (v2).

Today many, both men and women, see sex as primarily for the husband and a duty for the wife.

So what happened?

Here are a few wrong ideas about married sex that have undermined God’s intended purpose.

  • The culture demonizes men’s natural sexual aggression and calls it “toxic”. (It is toxic if misused but joyful if used with love in marriage.)
  • The church agrees with the culture and promotes a “toxic” view of a strong sex drive often calling it “lust”. (A strong sex drive is a wonderful gift from God.)
  • The church promotes sexual restraint in marriage as a sign of greater holiness. (The opposite is true: sexual restraint in marriage promotes sexual sin, not holiness. See 1 Cor 7:1-5 ESV)
  • Christian wives are encouraged to “help” their husbands control their unwieldy sex drive by suppressing all sensuality. (Again, the opposite is true: Wives are to encourage their husband’s strong sex drive and fan it into flames to the delight of them both. See SOS 4:9-10 She “captivates” his heart with her sexual love.)
  • Men and women don’t see sex as a primary reason for marriage. (Sex is the only reason to get married in the first place according to the Bible.)

As we are influenced by these non-biblical ideas, we will correspondingly think sex is primarily for men. The closer we get to God’s model for sexual love in the Song of Solomon, we will see that sex is a fountain of joy for both men and women.

As we mentioned in the last post, a biblical view of married sex has to be learned, it is not naturally acquired as we may think. The first step in learning about married sex is to unlearn our false cultural and religious assumptions.

Bible Thought: God loves passion and encourages husbands and wives to fan it into flames.

Prayer: Father, help me to get closer to the sexual love model in the Song of Solomon. I turn to you, and your grace, to help me to understand you are for sex and not against sex in marriage. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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