The Last Taboo

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Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. (Romans 12:2 MSG)

Part 2: CHURCH – Sexual Restraint and the Modesty Movement (Part 2 of a 3 part series, “3 Enemies of Sex” )

The Last Taboo

The Last Taboo of the church is sex. We’ve overcome a lot of religion over the years but the denial, obfuscation, and misunderstanding of sex in the church continues. Our book and blog are for the sole purpose of bringing sex out from under the bushel of religion and into the glorious light of the gospel.

Christian Sub-Culture

Christian gnosticism (aka docetism) exalts the spiritual over the physical. This dangerous Christian sub-culture teaches sexual restraint for men and pious modesty for women as the way of holiness in marriage. God thinks differently. Lots of sex with our spouse contributes to our holiness not self restraint. (See “Sex & Sanctification”)

Paul says, “Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking.” This includes the Christian gnostic sub-culture that represses married sex.

Sex, sex, sex, there we’ve said it 3 times and we’re still alive! God did not cringe at our repetition. God is for married sex. He loves sex. God created sex and thinks it’s pretty cool. God uses it to describe the intimacy between Christ and his church. He even declared it, as part of his creation, “Very Good”. (See Genesis 1:31 ESV)

Modesty

The Christian idea of modesty, in the name of saving our lustful brothers in Christ from falling into sexual sin, has taken a left turn. In fact, it is way off the tracks mainly because of a holier-than-thou peer pressure from the church ladies’ fashion brigade. This is nothing less than religion; that is, trying to impress God with our “holiness”. God is not impressed.

Women in church have to fall in line. (Gloria was once accused in church of wearing “hooker shoes”. Seriously.) Let’s let women show their individuality and creativity and not be pressured into drab, gender neutral, uniforms.

Incredibly, Christian modesty promotes the cultural trend of gender neutrality that we looked at in our last post. We have taken on the uniform of sexual sameness in the name of “holiness”. Asexuality is not holy.

There are two problems with excessive modesty. The first is the false idea that we are helping our brothers in Christ avoid sexual sin. This is, at best, false optimism and, at worse, spiritual pride. Immature men will fall no matter what you wear.

The second, and most insidious problem, is when modesty becomes a way of life, when our identity is tied to it. Wrong thinking about modesty will lead to a denial of sensuality if we’re not careful.

Be modest, of course, but be careful that it’s not an excuse to avoid sensuality. It’s hard to shift gears from a pious, modest, asexual Christian in church to an enthusiastic, reciprocal sex partner in the bedroom. God calls us to the latter.

Bible Thought: Religion tries to impress God with sexual restraint in marriage and excessive modesty. God is not impressed.

Prayer: Father, help me to realize that my righteousness is in Christ and that you have made me a sexual creature with legitimate needs and desires. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Just do it,

Rene & Gloria

Petri Dish for Porn

Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. (Romans 12:2 MSG)

Authors’ Note: This is not a hysterical critique of the culture, far from it. The culture is what it is. Our job is to try and understand how the culture influences Christian married sex. This post is longer than most.

Part 1: CULTURE – Demonization of Masculinity and Femininity (Part 1 of a 3 part series, “3 Enemies of Sex” )

Our culture is a petri dish for porn. Let us explain.

Dissing Men, Shaming Women

Men are labeled “toxic” by the culture. Men have screwed it up so now it’s time for a change according to many women – and men. This logic is hard to argue with considering the horrific #MeToo stories.

However, men and women, have behaved badly since the Garden and are likely to continue to behave badly until they align themselves with God’s purpose in marriage.

Along with dissing men, the culture shames women who show their femininity. It’s no longer acceptable for women to highlight their natural, physical traits. Women who express sensuality, no matter how slight, are considered traitors to the fight against male toxicity.

The net result of dissing men and shaming women is a move toward gender neutrality where the masculine and feminine merge into a gray-brown ideology of androgyny.

The culture projects that men and women are essentially the same and that gender distinctions are artificial, arbitrary, and a legacy of a misinformed past.

Principle of Separation

God “made them male and female”. Same in value and worth, but distinct, especially physically, for the purpose of finding joy in the difference. God says men and women are as different as day and night and that’s a good thing. Ironically, the closer we make men and women, the farther apart we become.

The creation account highlights the importance of God’s Principle of Separation: heaven and earth, light and dark, day and night, morning and evening, clouds and seas, water and dry land, and male and female. (See Genesis 1:27,28 ESV)

The difference between men and women fuels attraction and arousal in a way androgynous sameness cannot. The less unique, or the more sameness, to put it another way, the less sex and the less satisfying sex.

Paradoxically, the difference God has built into us is the foundation of a “one flesh” marriage. God’s math is 1 Male + 1 Female = 1 Flesh; not 1 Person + 1 Person = 2 People living life together.

Petri Dish for Porn

When we are influenced by the androgyny ideology, not only will our sex be less frequent and less satisfying, we will be intuitively attracted to anyone who displays the separation. The heterosexual porn industry exploits the difference and profits from it.

The perfect petri dish for porn is gender neutrality because it leaves a hunger for the difference. We’re built for difference, or separation, between the sexes. When we think and look alike then attraction fades, sex fades, and marriages dry up.

Pornography appeals to our sexuality of separation and shows us that the difference is exciting. It’s no wonder there is an epidemic of porn.

Disclaimer

We’re not saying women can’t wear pants or that they should compete with porn stars! We are simply saying beware of the influence of the culture that implies men and women are essentially the same. We are not; in fact, we are vastly different.

The Culture and the Bible

God emphasizes the separateness of male and female while the culture emphasizes the sameness. God’s way leads to more frequent sex and more satisfying sex because difference is always more exciting than sameness. We need to first recognize there is a difference then we need to embrace the difference. If you’re a wife then embrace your femininity and if you’re a husband then embrace your masculinity. When we concentrate on our separation, we will become closer.

The culture tells us that gender domination is the cause of all our problems. God tells us sin is the cause of all our problems.

The culture tells us gender neutrality is the solution. God tells us redemption, the forgiveness of sins, through faith in Jesus Christ, is the solution.

Bible Thought: When we understand God’s separation of the sexes and emphasize the difference in our marriages, our sex lives will take on new life.

Prayer: Father, help me to discern the negative influences of the culture in my marriage. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Join our Facebook Group Page for our Weekend Bonus Posts, updates, discussion, book excerpts, surveys, and more.

Just do it,

Rene & Gloria

3 Enemies of Sex

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So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life — your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life — and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him.

Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. (Romans 12:1,2 MSG)

Maturity in Christ

The Message, a paraphrase by Eugene Peterson, captures the essence of this passage. It tells us to do ordinary life God’s way. Whether sleeping, eating, or going to work, do it in a way that honors God. Don’t be overly influenced by the immaturity of the culture but renew your mind, your thinking, according to God’s Word.

We would say this applies to all areas of life including sex. Since this is a devotional on biblical sex, we’ll concentrate on how the culture, both worldly and religious, effects our sex lives.

The goal of God’s will for us is maturity in Christ. We would add that immaturity in Christ makes for a strained sex life. And before we start pointing fingers at our spouse, we need to look at ourselves first.

The opposite is also true though: Maturity in Christ; that is, the ability to understand negative cultural and religious influences, is the beginning of a mature sex life. In other words, grow in Christ and you will experience a more satisfying sex life God’s way.

3 Enemies of Sex

CULTURE – CHURCH – CHARACTER

Paul tells us to recognize the negative influences of the culture, and the church, and that will help us grow in character (or maturity). We’ll summarize the three enemies today and then take a look at each in more detail in subsequent posts.

We will look at the non-biblical ideas from the culture, and the church, that negatively effect our sex lives. We have a choice at this point: Accept the culture or accept God’s Word. Sometimes the culture and the Word fit together but not very often and certainly not when it comes to sex.

Here are the enemies of sex and a quick summary of the negative influences. These influences, if embraced, will kill our sex lives, if we’re not careful. In fact, we would say these wrong ideas are the leading causes of the decline in sex around the world. But that’s for yet another post.

  1. CULTURE – Demonization of masculinity and femininity
  2. CHURCH – Sexual restraint in marriage and the Modesty Movement
  3. CHARACTER – Immaturity embraces wrong thinking

Stay tuned as we dissect the culture, religion, and our character, with the scalpel of the Word. This could be exciting.

Bible Thought: Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking.

Prayer: Father, help me to discern the lies of the culture, and religion, and thereby grow in maturity in Christ. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Join our Facebook Group Page for updates, discussion, book excerpts, surveys, and more.

Ask us a question on our Facebook Group Page.

Just do it,

Rene & Gloria