“They’re Only Good for One Thing”

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“They’re Only Good for One Thing”

Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel had a lovely figure and was beautiful. (Genesis 29:16-17 NIV)

Jacob is completely smitten with Rachel’s beauty and especially her “lovely figure”. He is so smitten that he offered to work for seven years for Rachel. When the seven years were up he tells Laban, “Give me my wife. My time is completed, and I want to make love to her.” (v 21)

God has given most men a strong sex drive, a very strong sex drive. A strong sex drive is not lust, it is a gift from God and like all divine gifts it can misused. Men behaving badly is in the news but it’s nothing new. God gave Jacob a strong sexual desire for Rachel but it wasn’t fulfilled until they were married.

Lust selfishly desires something or someone and takes it greedily at all cost as soon as possible. Love considers the interest of the other greater than their own and gives generously. (Phil 2:4)

For example, a husband can objectify his wife when he sees her as “only good for one thing”. However, a wife can objectify her husband with the same thought “he’s only good for one thing”. Anytime we detach our spouse from the “one flesh” reality of marriage, and objectify them, we perpetuate the wrong idea that marriage is made up of two autonomous people, living separate lives, for the primary purpose of my convenience, and my satisfaction.

Does a healthy husband want to have sex with his wife? Does it necessarily follow that he only sees her as a sexual object? Does a wife want her husband to care for the kids and help pay the rent? Does it necessarily follow that she only sees him as a babysitter and a bank?

Bible Thought: Love gives, lust takes.

Prayer: Father, show me the difference between love and lust. Keep me from lust and help me to truly love my spouse.

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“I Now Pronounce You Best Friends Forever!”

76771810 - feather icon over white background. vector illustration”I now Pronounce You Best Friends Forever!”

When Rachel saw that she bore Jacob no children, she envied her sister. She said to Jacob, “Give me children, or I shall die!” Jacob’s anger was kindled against Rachel, and he said, “Am I in the place of God, who has withheld from you the fruit of the womb?” (Genesis 30:1,2 ESV)

The officiant of your wedding probably didn’t declare at the end of the ceremony, “I now pronounce you BFF’s!” but many anniversary posts suggest otherwise.

Anyone who has been married a while understands that your spouse can be your best friend one moment and your worst enemy the next. Jacob was intoxicated with Rachel and waited 7 years (actually 14) to “make love” to her and “they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.” (Gen 29:20b ESV)

In the very next chapter, they seem to loathe one another. “Jacob’s anger was kindled against Rachel”. Rachel wasn’t much better. What happened? They had the dreaded “sex conversation”. “Give me children, or I shall die!” Granted, it wasn’t the usual modern sex discussion about frequency or reciprocity. It was more, “You’re doing something wrong in the bedroom!” Jacob took exception.

As we saw in yesterday’s post, marriage is an exclusive, covenant relationship unlike any other. Friendship is wonderful, and hopefully, you and your spouse exhibit the traits of best friends – love, respect, loyalty.

Please don’t be offended with our BFF fun. We understand why you post, “I married my best friend!” But let’s not forget our spouse is our covenant partner first and foremost. The covenant was sealed with sex in the beginning and is renewed with each subsequent encounter.

When we don’t have frequent sex with our spouse, our covenant relationship fades into a distant, foggy memory. Each sexual encounter reminds us of our exclusive relationship. Sadly, we tend to forget quickly!

Bible Thought: Frequent sex with our spouse reminds us of our exclusive, covenant relationship.

Prayer: Father, you created marriage and sex. Help me to dig into the Word and discover what you say about marriage and sex. Amen.

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No Sex, No Marriage

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No Sex, No Marriage

Then Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my wife. My time is completed, and I want to make love to her.” So Laban brought together all the people of the place and gave a feast. But when evening came, he took his daughter Leah and brought her to Jacob, and Jacob made love to her. When morning came, there was Leah! So Jacob said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn’t I? Why have you deceived me?” Laban replied, “It is not our custom here to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one.” (Genesis 29:21-23,25,26 NIV)

Jacob made love to Leah and, Voila!, they were married. He didn’t try to persuade Laban to take Leah back. Jacob understood sex sealed the deal.

Everyone knows, and has since the beginning of time, that the consummation makes a marriage, not the engagement, vows, rings, or ceremonies. Sex does and only sex. In fact, you can get married, and live together for years, but if you never had sex no one considers you really married – church, society, or God.

In times past, Kings and Queens were subjected to a public consummation event at the end of the marriage ceremony to assure it was a “real” marriage. The political powers wanted to make sure the marriage alliance was not a sham.

Paul calls the physical union of a man and a woman a “profound mystery” because it’s God’s metaphor for the union of Christ and his followers. (See Eph 5:31,32) This speaks primarily to the covenant element of both relationships but that’s for another post.

Bible Thought: Sex is much more than a physical union.

Prayer: Father, help me to understand your purpose for sex in my marriage. Amen.

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