Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. (Romans 12:2 MSG)
Authors’ Note: This is not a hysterical critique of the culture, far from it. The culture is what it is. Our job is to try and understand how the culture influences Christian married sex. This post is longer than most.
Part 1: CULTURE – Demonization of Masculinity and Femininity (Part 1 of a 3 part series, “3 Enemies of Sex” )
Our culture is a petri dish for porn. Let us explain.
Dissing Men, Shaming Women
Men are labeled “toxic” by the culture. Men have screwed it up so now it’s time for a change according to many women – and men. This logic is hard to argue with considering the horrific #MeToo stories.
However, men and women, have behaved badly since the Garden and are likely to continue to behave badly until they align themselves with God’s purpose in marriage.
Along with dissing men, the culture shames women who show their femininity. It’s no longer acceptable for women to highlight their natural, physical traits. Women who express sensuality, no matter how slight, are considered traitors to the fight against male toxicity.
The net result of dissing men and shaming women is a move toward gender neutrality where the masculine and feminine merge into a gray-brown ideology of androgyny.
The culture projects that men and women are essentially the same and that gender distinctions are artificial, arbitrary, and a legacy of a misinformed past.
Principle of Separation
God “made them male and female”. Same in value and worth, but distinct, especially physically, for the purpose of finding joy in the difference. God says men and women are as different as day and night and that’s a good thing. Ironically, the closer we make men and women, the farther apart we become.
The creation account highlights the importance of God’s Principle of Separation: heaven and earth, light and dark, day and night, morning and evening, clouds and seas, water and dry land, and male and female. (See Genesis 1:27,28 ESV)
The difference between men and women fuels attraction and arousal in a way androgynous sameness cannot. The less unique, or the more sameness, to put it another way, the less sex and the less satisfying sex.
Paradoxically, the difference God has built into us is the foundation of a “one flesh” marriage. God’s math is 1 Male + 1 Female = 1 Flesh; not 1 Person + 1 Person = 2 People living life together.
Petri Dish for Porn
When we are influenced by the androgyny ideology, not only will our sex be less frequent and less satisfying, we will be intuitively attracted to anyone who displays the separation. The heterosexual porn industry exploits the difference and profits from it.
The perfect petri dish for porn is gender neutrality because it leaves a hunger for the difference. We’re built for difference, or separation, between the sexes. When we think and look alike then attraction fades, sex fades, and marriages dry up.
Pornography appeals to our sexuality of separation and shows us that the difference is exciting. It’s no wonder there is an epidemic of porn.
We’re not saying women can’t wear pants or that they should compete with porn stars! We are simply saying beware of the influence of the culture that implies men and women are essentially the same. We are not; in fact, we are vastly different.
The Culture and the Bible
God emphasizes the separateness of male and female while the culture emphasizes the sameness. God’s way leads to more frequent sex and more satisfying sex because difference is always more exciting than sameness. We need to first recognize there is a difference then we need to embrace the difference. If you’re a wife then embrace your femininity and if you’re a husband then embrace your masculinity. When we concentrate on our separation, we will become closer.
The culture tells us that gender domination is the cause of all our problems. God tells us sin is the cause of all our problems.
The culture tells us gender neutrality is the solution. God tells us redemption, the forgiveness of sins, through faith in Jesus Christ, is the solution.
Bible Thought: When we understand God’s separation of the sexes and emphasize the difference in our marriages, our sex lives will take on new life.
Prayer: Father, help me to discern the negative influences of the culture in my marriage. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Join our Facebook Group Page for our Weekend Bonus Posts, updates, discussion, book excerpts, surveys, and more.
Just do it,
Rene & Gloria