Men and Women are Different

IMG_2510Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!

For your love is better than wine;

your anointing oils are fragrant;

your name is oil poured out;

therefore virgins love you.

Draw me after you; let us run.

The king has brought me into his chambers. (Song of Solomon 1:2-4a ESV)

A Difference

The world says that men and women are essentially the same and that women can do anything a man can do – only better. This may or may not be true but when it comes to sexual desire and perspective the Bible tells us that men and women are different.

Husband, this may come as news to you, but your wife does not think about sex the same way you do. And the more you try to get her to think about sex the way you do, well, let’s just say it won’t help. And wife, your husband does not think about sex the way you do either.

For example, in Proverbs we get a man’s perspective, “Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.” (Proverbs 5:19b previous post). This verse encourages sexual intoxication and desire in a husband. God has gifted men with an indiscriminately strong sex drive. Now hopefully social pressures, and for the Christian man, the Holy Spirit, mitigate their wild sexual desires or they may end up in another #MeToo story.

The Difference

These two verses, Proverbs 5:19b and Song of Songs 1:1-4, give us insight into the different perspective of sex and desire between men and women. Notice both find sex intoxicating but the man is drunk with desire while the woman is intoxicated with being desired, “For your love is better than wine”. She reinforces this idea of being intoxicated with being deeply desired:

“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth”

“Draw me after you, let us run”

“The king has brought me into his chambers”.

She is intoxicated with the intoxicating passion of her lover and his intense desire for her and her alone. This is not to say she doesn’t also feel a strong sexual feelings but she looks at the relationship from a different point of view.

They both love sexual intimacy but the man is overcome with desire while the woman is overcome with being desired. But the goal is the same. The path is different. God created man and woman, husband and wife, to complement one another – desire and being desired. There may be the occasional overlap and reversal in a marriage from time to time, but generally, men and women differ on sexual desire and perspective.

A Complicated Sexual Dance

Of course, we are looking at a young couple where the passion is rich and unreserved. One thing to keep in mind though is that as a marriage matures the sexual desires seems to merge; that is, the differences are less pronounced. We think particularly of Sarah who laughed at the prospect of sexual “pleasure” at her advanced age of 90 or so. (See Genesis 18:12)

Marriage is a complicated sexual dance and the longer a marriage goes on the greater chance of a misstep. We suspect one of the major problems in a lack of sexual desire is unforgiveness. Unforgiveness leads to resentment and bitterness and the death of desire or being desired. Sexual intimacy is complicated enough without adding unforgiveness. Beware of missteps. Forgive quickly.

The Ideal Marriage

However, our young bride is living the ideal marriage in our love poem. She delights in being desired and values her lover supremely. She can’t wait to consummate their relationship and delights in her husband’s passion for her. As her marriage progresses we would encourage her to beware of snares and obstacles along the way that could get in the way of sexual desire. But for now she is enraptured with passion and waiting for her lover’s kisses.

Bible Thought: Beware of snares and obstacles that could undermine desire and being desired. Forgive quickly.

Prayer: Father, help me to understand the view my spouse has of sexual intimacy. Help me to remove all obstacles that would hinder sexual intimacy in our marriage. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Just do it,

Rene & Gloria