MOSTLY Dead Sex Life


I opened to my beloved,

but my beloved had turned and gone.

My soul failed me when he spoke.

I sought him, but found him not;

I called him, but he gave no answer.

The watchmen found me

as they went about in the city;

they beat me, they bruised me,

they took away my veil,

those watchmen of the walls. (Song of Solomon 5:6,7 ESV)

Our last post declared “The Death of Sex” as we know it. We lamented the place of sex in our new cyber society. However, today we are looking at The Death of Sex in our marriages. Sex in your marriage may look dead but it could be only MOSTLY dead.

Miracle Max in “The Princess Bride” stands over an unconscious Westley and pronounces, “He is only MOSTLY dead. Not ALL dead. You can bring them back to life if they are only MOSTLY dead.”

The same could be said of an ailing sex life: If it is not ALL dead there is hope. A MOSTLY dead sex life, can be brought back to life with our desire to change and God’s help. If there is any trace of passion, no matter how small, then there is always hope for more passion.

We tend to think that the lovers in the Song of Solomon experienced endless marital bliss but nothing could be further from the truth. Our lovers started off on fire but hit a dry spell not long after. Our passage is poetic in language but the author’s point is clear that there will be times of sexual estrangement in the best of marriages.

The beloved bride is distraught that she unintentionally rebuffed the sexual attentions of her lover. Her lover runs into the night anxious over his perceived sexual rejection. They are both angry and frustrated with the other. They have hit a dry spell with emotions overflowing into loathing for one another at the perceived slights.

Our author shows us there are consequences to sexual abstinence in our marriages. The beloved wife goes out into the streets looking for her lover only to be used and abused by the watchmen. The husband is nowhere to be found nursing the wounds of rejection and thinking all kinds of negative thoughts.

The good news is that they return to passion in the next chapter having found one another. They seem to have recovered from the rough patch and go on to even greater passion and love.

There are many forces opposed to frequent and reciprocal sex in marriage. There will be times when circumstances, misunderstandings, and negative emotions overwhelm our sex lives. We may loathe one another for a season but we must remember our covenant relationship in Christ and the commitment we made on our wedding day.

Remember the lovers in our poem, if your love is ALMOST dead and not ALL dead then there is hope. It may seem impossible to reignite your sex life but remember what Jesus said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26b) Ask, seek, knock for reconciliation and a revived sex life. God will answer your prayer.

Bible Thought: Even the best of lovers can be derailed for a time but will come back together stronger than ever.

Prayer: Father, help me to understand there will be dry spells in our sex life. Help me to hope in renewal depending on you to revive us in passion as we go to you in prayer. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Just do it,

Rene & Gloria