The Sex Bus
This is Part 5 of a five part series based on the “5 False Assumptions about Married Sex”.
False Assumption #5: We say we overcome sexual temptation through spiritual warfare: prayer, fasting, self control, anti-porn software, accountability partners, expensive DVD’s, and will power. God says the best way to overcome sexual temptation is frequent and reciprocal married sex.
The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Corinthians 7:3-5 ESV)
The Sex Bus
Who gets to drive the sex bus?
We are encouraged to negotiate the frequency of sex by both Christian and secular marriage counselors. This is a self evident truth. What could be more obvious than a compromise on the frequency of sex in a loving marriage. Each marriage has it’s own rhythm after all, and we all know that negotiation and compromise are at the heart of a healthy marriage. This sounds reasonable, of course, until you realize intense sexual desire is neither reasonable nor negotiable.
What ends up happening, more often than not, is the one with the lower sex drive gets to set the frequency of sex in a marriage. God says clearly in today’s passage that, in a biblical marriage, the one with the higher sex drive gets to drive the sex bus.
Husbands usually have the higher sex drive, but not always, and it varies in different seasons of marriage and from day to day especially as you get older. This is why Paul speaks to both husbands and wives, “Do not deprive one another.”
So what happens is that the other spouse, the one with the higher sex drive, tries to mitigate temptation with all kinds of spiritual self-help techniques. Entire ministries are built around the “other spouse” and their plight. Prayer, Bible study, anti-porn software, accountability partners, expensive DVD series are set in place to overcome sexual temptation for the spouse with the higher sex drive but relegated to the passenger seat.
We are all for prayer, Bible study, and accountability but not for overcoming sexual temptation in marriage.
Do these spiritual self-help methods work? They could be of some benefit in the short term, or if you’re single, but God has a better way of overcoming sexual temptation for those of us who are married – frequent and reciprocal sex in a loving covenant relationship.
Pauls says, “Do not deprive one another.”
Why does he say this?
Because he knows we tend to deprive one another.
Bible Thought: The spouse with the higher sex drive gets to drive the sex bus in a biblical marriage.
Prayer: Father, help me fight sexual temptation your way. Help me to help my spouse in their battle with sexual sin. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
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